Hi my babies,
I've been trying to get around to writing the two of you a letter for quite some time now. Between work, personal responsibilities, and being pregnant with you, I have been busy (and exhausted) to say the least.
I hope you both know how excited your dad and I are to meet you. We have waited and prayed for you for a loooooong time. It has not been an easy journey, but we never gave up hope. We searched many years for the right path that eventually lead us straight to you. Once our path was clear, we knew that we were all meant to be a family. Discovering I was pregnant, and then a couple weeks later finding out that I was pregnant with not only ONE baby, but TWO, were the two happiest days of mine and your father's lives!!! Hearing your heart beats for the very first time, (and every time since then) has been the loveliest music to my ears.
One day you will learn that our family isn't the most conventional family, but that the unique opportunity that brought us together is what makes our family so special. Always remember that your father and I chose you, and that we will love you unconditionally forever. I like to think that you chose us in return. The day we finally found you, I had so much joy in my heart and felt peace that you were ours to keep. Your Grandpa DeCastro said something to me a few months ago when I was about 12 weeks pregnant that has resonated with me since. He said, "You may not be the fire that originally lit the star, but you are the fire that is keeping the star burning. Your blood is flowing through these babies, and you are the reason they are growing and developing."
You are so loved, and I can't even begin to describe how thrilled everyone is to meet you. I kid you not, you two are celebrities! Grandma and Grandpa DeCastro and Grandma and Grandpa Brown are already over the moon in love with you. So are all of your aunts, uncles, cousins, and our friends. I have never felt so many people send so much love towards two humans as I have you two. I have also made many friends simply because I am pregnant with you. Everyone is so excited to meet you little cuties.
Your presence has made me a better, happier person. I laugh ALL of the time and feel so much joy. You two put me at peace, and carrying you two around makes me giggle more than I ever have before. Feeling your little kicks and punches is the most magical feeling in the world to me, and your daddy tells me all of the time how beautiful I am. It is you two (and your daddy) that have made me feel the most beautiful and happy I have ever felt.
I know that I will not be the perfect mom. My patience is not always the best, and sometimes my priorities get weird (like having a clean house is more important to me vs. being happy and nice despite having a clean house), but I am going to do my best to be a mom you are happy to have raise you. I will do my best to give you a fun childhood, and let you explore passions and hobbies that are important to you. That doesn't mean I won't say no to certain things (probably more than you wish I would, haha) but I will say yes, too.
I can't wait to watch you two grow, and see your little personalities develop. You better believe I am going to snuggle and kiss you two sooooo much. Probably until you are too old for me to be doing that to you anymore. I already get sad thinking about you growing up and probably not liking me so much anymore. But I hope we will always be close, and that you know you can come to me and your dad with anything.
Lastly, I hope you are both kind and loving to each other. My biggest hope is that you two will have each other's backs, and that you will continue to have a strong bonding friendship in each other that you will not find anywhere else. Lean on each other through the good times and the bad. Stick up for each other, and remember to be kind and loving to others as well. I already know that you are such special humans with big, beautiful hearts. I can't wait to officially meet you in a few weeks time. Until then, keep growing inside of my belly. Your dad and I will be the first to greet you as you make your entrance into this big, scary, beautiful, wonderful world. Thank you for making me a mom. I love you my son, and my daughter.
Love,
Mom
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
Tuesday, March 20, 2018
The Grand Announcement!
Here is the video I made for our pregnancy announcement, and the text that I posted along with it on Facebook. We announced to the world on Super Bowl Sunday (aka February 5, 2018).
"Sound on. And sorry FB posted it blurry, but watch to the very end for extra bonus videos.
First off, I’d like to thank everyone who helped support us in our IVF fundraisers I did back in the summer and fall of 2016. Everyone’s love and support for us as we saved up for an expensive and emotional procedure to start a family meant the world to Vance and me.
I feel like years of infertility was the biggest push at getting me back into my art, and also pushed me to follow through on executing my ideas in a creative way. If I couldn’t have the family I desired, I needed more than ever to nurture a lost passion and cultivate any lost or hidden talents I might have. I have explored new mediums and experimented with different art styles, hoping to really find my niche along the way. I hasn’t been easy and I still have a long road of improvement to go, but I’ve had fun feeling like myself again. Getting back into art, as rusty and incompetent as I feel, had brought me joy and excitement.
Lastly, music has always spoken volumes to us. When I first heard this song last spring (Cross My Mind, by Arizona), I instantly fell in love with it. As I listened to the words and the melody, an idea quickly formed in my mind, and I prayed that one day I would be able to have an excuse and a reason to turn the story into a real life video that I could share with the world. Today is that day. Today, I finally get to share the idea that formed in my head with all of you.
Thank you Brandon Orton for helping me put this video together!!"
"Sound on. And sorry FB posted it blurry, but watch to the very end for extra bonus videos.
First off, I’d like to thank everyone who helped support us in our IVF fundraisers I did back in the summer and fall of 2016. Everyone’s love and support for us as we saved up for an expensive and emotional procedure to start a family meant the world to Vance and me.
I feel like years of infertility was the biggest push at getting me back into my art, and also pushed me to follow through on executing my ideas in a creative way. If I couldn’t have the family I desired, I needed more than ever to nurture a lost passion and cultivate any lost or hidden talents I might have. I have explored new mediums and experimented with different art styles, hoping to really find my niche along the way. I hasn’t been easy and I still have a long road of improvement to go, but I’ve had fun feeling like myself again. Getting back into art, as rusty and incompetent as I feel, had brought me joy and excitement.
Lastly, music has always spoken volumes to us. When I first heard this song last spring (Cross My Mind, by Arizona), I instantly fell in love with it. As I listened to the words and the melody, an idea quickly formed in my mind, and I prayed that one day I would be able to have an excuse and a reason to turn the story into a real life video that I could share with the world. Today is that day. Today, I finally get to share the idea that formed in my head with all of you.
Thank you Brandon Orton for helping me put this video together!!"
Double Vision
So much has happened in the last year, that it's hard to know where to begin. So I'm just going to start with where I am at right now.
As of last Wednesday, I am 21.5 weeks pregnant with twins. Yes, you read that right......I am pregnant! And there are two of them growing inside of me! Saying I am pregnant is something I never thought I would have the privilege to say. Yet here I am writing it out, and having the hardest time staying awake to write it because I AM pregnant and it is late afternoon and I am soooooo damn sleepy! haha.
Getting pregnant was not easy. It took Vance and I six years and countless infertility treatments to get to this point. We are elated, and so are our family and friends. So many friends and family are also so excited, because they think that we are one of those couples who have finally conquered infertility....which isn't exactly true. Infertility will always be a part of me, and one day, if I am willing to publicly explain the full story of how I was able to carry these children, it might make more sense as to why I am not fully willing to say that I have conquered infertility.
But, what I can say is that I am beyond thrilled and feel so blessed to be pregnant. I am absolutely loving being pregnant and watching my body go through all of these miraculous changes. Every night as I am getting ready for bed, I look in the mirror and admire my bump. Vance and I are so in awe of what is going on inside of my body, and can't even begin to describe how blessed we feel. In just a few short months, I am going to become a mother, and Vance is going to become a father! We have been busy working on a nursery for our sweet little ones, and and I am still trying to put together a registry for baby showers. There is so much to learn and prepare for! We are probably super behind, and I know that I for one feel inadequate, but the love I have for these tiny little miracles is immeasurable. I am comforted in knowing that Vance and I will figure it all out in our own due time.
Vance and I were finally able to begin another round of IVF last fall. It was a frozen embryo transfer (FET) cycle this time, so fortunately I didn't have to harvest my eggs and do the first round of IVF that I explained in detail in my blog from the spring of 2016. But it was still really intricate, time sensitive, and intense. Lots of medications, lots of shots, lots of vaginal suppositories and vaginal ultrasounds, and lots of doctor visits. Very emotional and exhausting, but very well worth it.
I went into this last round full of hope, but prepared for a negative sign. If this didn't work out, we had already made the decision that we were done taking this avenue to start our family, and might be ready to accept that we would be happy just being a family of 3 (Vance, Mosie our dog, and me). So when my nurse called me on November 16, 2017 at 2:00 pm and told me that my blood work confirmed that I was DEFINITELY pregnant, you can probably only imagine the amount of shock, surprise, and disbelief I was in. I was in tears and screaming. Never had I felt so much joy and happiness. I immediately FaceTimed Vance, and words cannot describe the amount of joy, happiness, excitement and gratitude he expressed in his voice and on his face.
Telling our family and friends was equally as exciting. Everyone has been so supportive and happy for us through this journey. We announced our pregnancy to immediate family over Thanksgiving holiday. Then I told a few very close friends in my ward and made them promise not to tell anybody. On December 5, 2017 we went in for our a 7 week ultrasound, and that ultrasound confirmed that both embryos we transferred into my body worked. We were expecting twins!!! That made for even more exciting news. The babies were such small little beans at that point, yet those perfect little beans had heartbeats. We got to hear their tiny little heartbeats and their mama and daddy were in tears. It was music to our ears. The fertility clinic kept a close eye on me for the next couple of weeks to make sure both of our babies were growing at an accurate speed, and at 9 weeks pregnant on December __, I became a graduate from the Utah Fertility Center. They congratulated me, sent me on my way, and I was off to find an OB to monitor me over the remaining amount of my pregnancy.
Over Christmas, we announced the good news to our extended families, and on January 8 as I was nearing the end of my first trimester, I told my co-workers. On January 18 (week 13), we had my first ever belly ultrasound! It was so nice to not have to drop my pants for an ultrasound for a change. Vance was with me at this appointment and we got to meet our new doctor. We both really like him, and it was of course wonderful to get to see little Baby A and Baby B on the screen and hear their beautiful heartbeats.
By February 5, I was finished creating my baby announcement and we told the rest of the world via Facebook and Instagram. I feel like everyone has triumphed with us, and it has been a truly remarkable experience.
The first trimester had its ups and downs. I experienced fatigue and lots of smell aversions, had a hard time figuring out what I did and didn't like to eat, couldn't stomach water or many other liquids (therefore dehydrating myself), was always out of breath (still am), and got nausea and sickness at night. I threw up several times, but not too often. Overall, I would say I handled my first trimester pretty well, but I was definitely excited to leave it behind and start my second trimester.
Second trimester has been a dream! Although my body is clearly changing and getting bigger everyday, I feel so good. Food is good to me. Smells are normal and not setting me off. I'm not nauseous. I can drink water. I AM always tired, I am always out of breath, and I am starting to have a tricky time getting up off the sofa or rolling from side to side in bed at night, but I love these symptoms! I love that every day my belly looks bigger than it did the last. I love that I can feel tiny little movements inside of my body. And I love that my body seems to be accepting these changes with open arms. I have energy to work, clean my house, cook, play with my puppy...etc. All things I didn't have energy or motivation to do during my first trimester.
On March 15, 2018 we went in for our big 21 week ultrasound. They examined both babies in detail and the doctor identified their genders to us. This was one of the best days of our lives, so I would like to end this post here, and start a new post specifically for this day.
Enjoy some pictures from our pregnancy journey up until this point.
As of last Wednesday, I am 21.5 weeks pregnant with twins. Yes, you read that right......I am pregnant! And there are two of them growing inside of me! Saying I am pregnant is something I never thought I would have the privilege to say. Yet here I am writing it out, and having the hardest time staying awake to write it because I AM pregnant and it is late afternoon and I am soooooo damn sleepy! haha.
Getting pregnant was not easy. It took Vance and I six years and countless infertility treatments to get to this point. We are elated, and so are our family and friends. So many friends and family are also so excited, because they think that we are one of those couples who have finally conquered infertility....which isn't exactly true. Infertility will always be a part of me, and one day, if I am willing to publicly explain the full story of how I was able to carry these children, it might make more sense as to why I am not fully willing to say that I have conquered infertility.
But, what I can say is that I am beyond thrilled and feel so blessed to be pregnant. I am absolutely loving being pregnant and watching my body go through all of these miraculous changes. Every night as I am getting ready for bed, I look in the mirror and admire my bump. Vance and I are so in awe of what is going on inside of my body, and can't even begin to describe how blessed we feel. In just a few short months, I am going to become a mother, and Vance is going to become a father! We have been busy working on a nursery for our sweet little ones, and and I am still trying to put together a registry for baby showers. There is so much to learn and prepare for! We are probably super behind, and I know that I for one feel inadequate, but the love I have for these tiny little miracles is immeasurable. I am comforted in knowing that Vance and I will figure it all out in our own due time.
Vance and I were finally able to begin another round of IVF last fall. It was a frozen embryo transfer (FET) cycle this time, so fortunately I didn't have to harvest my eggs and do the first round of IVF that I explained in detail in my blog from the spring of 2016. But it was still really intricate, time sensitive, and intense. Lots of medications, lots of shots, lots of vaginal suppositories and vaginal ultrasounds, and lots of doctor visits. Very emotional and exhausting, but very well worth it.
I went into this last round full of hope, but prepared for a negative sign. If this didn't work out, we had already made the decision that we were done taking this avenue to start our family, and might be ready to accept that we would be happy just being a family of 3 (Vance, Mosie our dog, and me). So when my nurse called me on November 16, 2017 at 2:00 pm and told me that my blood work confirmed that I was DEFINITELY pregnant, you can probably only imagine the amount of shock, surprise, and disbelief I was in. I was in tears and screaming. Never had I felt so much joy and happiness. I immediately FaceTimed Vance, and words cannot describe the amount of joy, happiness, excitement and gratitude he expressed in his voice and on his face.
Telling our family and friends was equally as exciting. Everyone has been so supportive and happy for us through this journey. We announced our pregnancy to immediate family over Thanksgiving holiday. Then I told a few very close friends in my ward and made them promise not to tell anybody. On December 5, 2017 we went in for our a 7 week ultrasound, and that ultrasound confirmed that both embryos we transferred into my body worked. We were expecting twins!!! That made for even more exciting news. The babies were such small little beans at that point, yet those perfect little beans had heartbeats. We got to hear their tiny little heartbeats and their mama and daddy were in tears. It was music to our ears. The fertility clinic kept a close eye on me for the next couple of weeks to make sure both of our babies were growing at an accurate speed, and at 9 weeks pregnant on December __, I became a graduate from the Utah Fertility Center. They congratulated me, sent me on my way, and I was off to find an OB to monitor me over the remaining amount of my pregnancy.
Over Christmas, we announced the good news to our extended families, and on January 8 as I was nearing the end of my first trimester, I told my co-workers. On January 18 (week 13), we had my first ever belly ultrasound! It was so nice to not have to drop my pants for an ultrasound for a change. Vance was with me at this appointment and we got to meet our new doctor. We both really like him, and it was of course wonderful to get to see little Baby A and Baby B on the screen and hear their beautiful heartbeats.
By February 5, I was finished creating my baby announcement and we told the rest of the world via Facebook and Instagram. I feel like everyone has triumphed with us, and it has been a truly remarkable experience.
The first trimester had its ups and downs. I experienced fatigue and lots of smell aversions, had a hard time figuring out what I did and didn't like to eat, couldn't stomach water or many other liquids (therefore dehydrating myself), was always out of breath (still am), and got nausea and sickness at night. I threw up several times, but not too often. Overall, I would say I handled my first trimester pretty well, but I was definitely excited to leave it behind and start my second trimester.
Second trimester has been a dream! Although my body is clearly changing and getting bigger everyday, I feel so good. Food is good to me. Smells are normal and not setting me off. I'm not nauseous. I can drink water. I AM always tired, I am always out of breath, and I am starting to have a tricky time getting up off the sofa or rolling from side to side in bed at night, but I love these symptoms! I love that every day my belly looks bigger than it did the last. I love that I can feel tiny little movements inside of my body. And I love that my body seems to be accepting these changes with open arms. I have energy to work, clean my house, cook, play with my puppy...etc. All things I didn't have energy or motivation to do during my first trimester.
On March 15, 2018 we went in for our big 21 week ultrasound. They examined both babies in detail and the doctor identified their genders to us. This was one of the best days of our lives, so I would like to end this post here, and start a new post specifically for this day.
Enjoy some pictures from our pregnancy journey up until this point.
 |
| December 5, 2017. The day we found out we were having twins! 7 weeks |
 |
| Two babies!!! |
 |
| Week 12 ultrasound |
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| I started to "pop" around 14-15 weeks |
 |
| 17 weeks |
 |
| 18 weeks |
 |
| 18.5 weeks. In Phoenix, Arizona |
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| 19ish weeks |
 |
| 20ish weeks |
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| 21ish weeks |
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