Vance & Anni: December 2013

December 19, 2007 (around 4:00 pm)

"The damage is done, so I guess I be leavin'......"

Those were the exact words of the Justin Timberlake song (Cry Me a River) Ali and I were listening to 6 years ago, when the pickup truck heading in the opposite direction unexpectedly swerved into our lane and hit us head on.

Never had life slowed down, or switched gears quite like it had in that moment. One second I was laughing and singing with my 19 year old sister as we were headed out to do some last minute Christmas shopping, and in the very next second, I accepted my own death. I saw it coming, and knew there was nothing I could do except let it happen. Out of instinct, I slammed on my breaks. Within a matter of seconds, my sister went from singing our favorite lyrics to the song, to lying lifeless in the seat next to me.

Ironically, the lyrics were oh so fitting for such an unfortunate event.

Everything turned to slow motion. The airbags went off in slow motion. My thoughts, though very unclear and confused, were in slow motion, and I was trapped in a brownish yellow haze of thick, nauseating smoke and fumes. My sister and best friend lay unconscious next to me. I watched as her head fell forward in slow motion, and gradually realized that my own life had not ended. It was still rolling.

That is when life sped back up, and panic set in. I faintly heard voices from outside my drivers window. I tried to function, but couldn't. The wind had been knocked out of me. Once I got it back, I kept screaming, "I can't breathe! I can't breathe! I can't breathe!" I tried to unfasten my seat belt, but couldn't. I tried opening the car door, but couldn't. I couldn't function properly at all. The air was getting thicker and harder to breathe. I could hear people telling me to get out of the car, but I just couldn't. Then I heard someone shout, "Get them out! The car's on fire!"

Due to my state of shock, I do not remember whether my driver window had cracked with the impact of the crash, or whether people busted the glass out of it, but at any rate the selfless strangers who stopped to help, pulled me out of the car through the broken glass window, and pulled my sister out from her side.

My foot was in pain, and I couldn't walk, so someone carried me to the side of the road and laid me down while they waited for the ambulance. I must have been coherent enough to give someone my parents home phone number, because they contacted my parents to let them know my sister and I were in an accident and would be rushed to the hospital. I was utterly confused, and worried that I had caused the accident.

I was there, but not really, if that makes any sense. You know when you are half awake, or on laughing gas or something, and you are really out of it, but the next morning you vaguely remember what happened, even though you were really loopy at the time? It was kind of like that. I kept asking if it was my fault, and crying that I didn't know what to do. A kind lady held my hand the entire time and tried to keep me calm as I lay there in shock with tears streaming down my face. She told me that it was no ones fault, and that everything would be fine. I have no idea who she was, and don't think that I ever even saw her face, but to this day I am grateful for this woman. She had no idea who I was, but she was there when I needed someone most, to make sure I remained calm. All the while, I remember hearing people shout that my sister was in critical condition and had possible lacerations to the face. It was unbearable to think I had caused an accident that injured my sister, or worse, lead to her death. I couldn't bear it one bit.

Once the ambulance came and strapped us to the stiff boards and loaded us into the back of the vehicle, it was like I had amnesia, though it's funny that I can remember this. The lyrics to the song we were listening to when the accident hit kept playing in my mind in slow motion, over and over, like some sick reminder of what had just happened. The damage is done so I guess I be leavin'. The damage is done so I guess I be leavin'... over and over again.

I kept wracking my brain, trying to remember who I was, where I lived, or where I had been going. The only 3 things I knew about myself were that:
1) My name was Annika Alyssa DeCastro
2) I was still poorly trying to mend a broken heart from a boyfriend that had dumped me just a few months prior
3) My sister was next to me, because we had just been in an accident. We had just been in an accident. We had JUST been in an accident....were we okay?

Nearly everything else about me or my life was a blank canvas.

I kept asking how my sister was doing. The paramedics wouldn't answer me but I could hear them saying she had a broken leg, compound fracture style, and blood on the face which could mean serious damage to the head. I had a calming reassurance in this moment, to know that it was just a bloody nose, and that she would be okay. The panic I felt on the side of the road had left me, and instead I felt peace. I believe in my weird state of condition and mind, I even feebly said this out loud. "It's just a bloody nose, she gets them all the time." Later on as we found out, I was right.

It's a little bit hazy, but if I remember correctly, once we made it to the emergency room, Alison and I were rolled off in opposite directions. In her critical condition, she was whisked away, and I was taken to get a cat scan to make sure I had no damage to the head or anywhere else in or on my body. Alison, was taken to get a cat scan as well, but we weren't with each other when this happened. It was kind of a weird experience. I lay flat on a glowing bed, while the nurses gave me instructions to keep my eyes closed and my arms at my side, as I passed through the tube. I remember they asked me if there was any chance I might be pregnant, and I laughed out loud, thinking bitterly how I didn't even have a boyfriend to care that anything had just happened to me.

Once the scan was complete, I was rolled into a small room with a bed, where I was directed to lay down and rest while I waited for the results of the cat scan. As I stared out the open door, thinking to myself, did all of that REALLY just happen?! I saw my older sister Kirstin and her two small children come rushing through the main room. I was relieved to see family, and waved and smiled at Damon, my 2 year old nephew. Kirstin came into my room and hugged me. I didn't have any new news on Alison, but other than the pain in my right foot because the shock had worn off (as had the temporary and selective amnesia), I was feeling alright. My parents, sister Jessie, brother-in-law Jeff, and Alison's boyfriend, Travis were next to follow. Travis was white as a ghost. We didn't know this at the time, but at nearly the same moment Alison and I crashed, Travis had just bought an engagement ring for her.

My poor parents looked so distraught. My mom hugged me and cried tears of relief. Apparently, they were given very little information over the phone call they received. All they knew was that their daughters had been in a head on collision, and were being rushed to the emergency room. Thus, they were left with imaginable thoughts as they drove through Provo canyon to the hospital.

The x-rays came back and it was concluded that I had no damage to the head or organs, and that the only permanent (whip lash not included) injury I acquired from the accident were 9 crushed bones in my right foot, the same foot I used to slam on the brakes when I saw the truck coming. I would need surgery to reconstruct the bones in my foot, but there weren't any openings until 2 days after Christmas, which was 8 days away. The nurses wrapped up my foot, handed me crutches (Ahhh! I had never even attempted using crutches before), gave my parents the prescription for the pain meds they could pick up for me the next day, but failed to give me any pain meds for the time being. They didn't even remove the IV from my arm or wash the ash and soot off my face before they discharged me and sent me on my way.

For the remainder of the evening, the entire family sat in the waiting room while Alison was in surgery. It had been concluded that the only permanent damage done was to her right leg. Due to the impact of the car, her bones had snapped and shot right out of her leg. While we waited, my family would take turns rolling me around in a wheelchair, just to pass the time. Hours later, the doctor came in and told us Ali was waking up from surgery, and we could go see her now.

My sister lay in bed, hooked up to monitors. She was weak, frail, and completely confused in her hospital gown, with her leg wrapped and propped up. She was heavily sedated on morphine. I lay my head down by hers and just started crying. I was so happy and so relieved, yet so upset all in the same moment. It was hard to see my happy little sister like this. As distraught, overwhelmed, and exhausted as we all were, it was a beautiful moment for the family to all be together, just days before Christmas. My poor, sweet sister. She would be in the hospital for awhile. But she was safe, she was alive, and she was going to be okay. Recovery wouldn't be fun, but she would be alright. We had survived, and we would get through this hardship together.

I drove home with my parents that night, and Alison's best friend Leslie spent the night in the hospital room with her. My mind was spinning. The accident kept playing in my mind, over and over again. Alison and I had made plans to go Christmas shopping and to spend the evening with friends that night, and instead the day, and our lives took an unexpected turn. I kept seeing headlights right in front of my face, followed by a brown cloudy haze.

Then I started worrying. I was worried about how our friends would think we had bailed on them that night, since I no longer had my cell phone on me, (it was left in the car) or a way to contact them. I worried that Alison wouldn't be home in time for Christmas. I worried that I hadn't, and probably wouldn't get my Christmas shopping started, let alone finished. I worried about using crutches at work, especially in icy winter weather. And most delusional of all, I thought that I would be well enough to go into work the very next day. Ha! Let's just say, I wasn't well enough to go back to work for a month following December 19th, 2007. I lay in bed that night with a painfully throbbing foot, sore body, and a very vivid memory of everything that just happened. I did not sleep well.

There is a whole other chapter or two that easily follows this story. There was surgery, pain (both physical and emotional), loss of appetite, weight loss, loneliness, stress, nightmares, recovery, and depression that followed that fateful day. But now is neither the time, nor the place to discuss that part of the story.

This story is to explain the millions of miracles I witnessed from such an unpleasant experience. December 19th will forever be a day that I celebrate the life of my sister, and a day that I truly count my blessings and give thanks to my Father in Heaven for granting me such a beautiful life, and allowing Alison and I to continue living on this earth. Was our accident a near death experience? Maybe, maybe not. But I do know that it sure felt like it was. I felt angels watching over and protecting me that day. I saw my own life flash before my eyes, and I willingly accepted my own death within a matter of fleeting seconds. I witnessed miracles through the love of random strangers. Where our injuries could have been much worse, in the grand sight of all things, we left with nothing but scratches, or battle wounds if you will. These scars are reminders we will proudly wear for the rest of my lives. (By the way, the other driver who hit us was not harmed. He fell asleep at the wheel, and his body was so relaxed that he was protected that day as well).

My eyes were opened 6 years ago today. I believe this marked the day that I fully realized just how precious and fragile life really is. It COULD have been my time. Even though I was young and healthy, I still could have died at 21 years of age. It COULD have been Alison's time. But it wasn't.

My parents could have lost 2 daughters that day. It could have been so easy for my Father in Heaven to say "Times up, time to come home!" But He didn't. Instead, He decided to give me an eye opening experience, and to give me another chance at life. Had my mortal existence ended that day, I would have died with a broken heart, holding onto the past. Instead, little did I know that just 2 years in the future I would meet the man of my dreams, embrace an exciting career, marry in the temple, and embark on an interesting journey, meet many inspiring people, and visit many breath taking places. And Alison? She was married just 5 months after all of this happened! (To Travis, of course). We joked that she would have to hide her walker underneath her wedding dress as she walked down the aisle, but lo and behold, she walked on her own by her wedding!

Probably the biggest lessons that I learned from all of this is that every single day of life on Earth is a gift from God. The good and the bad days need to be appreciated, and neither the good nor the bad should be taken for granted.

Lastly, because of this experience, I witnessed the most beautiful miracles I could have been blessed to have; being the recipient of the love of Christ through His followers. To the countless kind people who showed and gave me love when I needed it most, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you to the guardian angels from above who protected Alison and me that day six years ago, and spared our lives. Thank you to the mortal angels who pulled us out of our burning car, and to the woman who held my hand and kept me calm as I panicked on the side of the road. Thank you to our friends who were so understanding when we "stood them up" that night , and to our family who dropped everything to be with us that day, and who continued to helped take care of us for months after the accident. Thank you to my two best friends who helped me wash my hair when I was too weak to wash it myself. Thank you to my friends, bishopric, ward members, and to the many people I didn't even know knew I existed, who called me, visited me, brought me flowers and treats when I was bed ridden, and to those who knew I was depressed and lonely, and would come visit me with chocolate milk and doughnuts to help cheer me up (you know who you are!) Thank you to those who were kind and patient enough to drive me to and from a school that was over half an hour away from where I lived. I could go on and on. 6 years later and you still will never know just how much you all meant to me. Your love and support has allowed me to make lasting friendships and cherished memories I would not have made had the accident never happened.

You cannot go through an experience or trial like this and not have a changed heart. I consider it one of the greatest blessings that has ever happened to me. Every day of life is a gift.

Happy 6 year Sister Life Day, Ali! And may we have 6 more decades to go.