I will eventually write a more lengthy post about our Tuesday transfer, but for now I will just say this:
Transfer went well and we got to meet our microscopic blastocyst (a day 5 embryo) Tuesday morning. It was really special. We named our little embryo we transferred Nemo.
Due to the emotional roller coaster I've been on and the IVF process throwing some unexpected curve balls at us, I'm not wanting to go into detail of everything just yet.
Because of IVF, our doctor did find some leads to our "unexplained" infertility that he would like to go over with us around the same time we find out if Nemo accepted our invitation to become a human or not. We pray that we are a few weeks short of a miracle, and that our doctor found some helpful answers for us as we try to conceive again in the future.
When we do find out, we will let our immediate families know. However, we will not be posting anything or announcing one way or another (good news or bad), until probably sometime in June or early July. We will either need to grieve and move on alone, or celebrate and pray for a healthy pregnancy before we are ready to announce to the world.
We appreciate everyone's prayers for us, and definitely feel them. Now, pray for Nemo too!
Thursday, April 28, 2016
Sunday, April 24, 2016
May the Odds be Ever in Our Favor
Vance and I went to the temple Friday night to get some peace of mind and clarity. IVF has been very intense. We had already (tentatively) decided we would put 2 fertilized eggs in this round and freeze the remaining embryos for a later round, but went to pray that the fertilization process would go well.
We received a phone call on Saturday morning with news on the status of our eggs. News was that 2 of our 7 fertilized. We have 2 healthy embryos that will be ready for transfer on Tuesday.
Only having 2 embryos was obviously not the news I wanted to hear. I was really praying for 4+, but hoping for at least 3 so that we could put 2 in this round and freeze one for our next child. But the more we thought about it, we are so grateful and excited that 2 eggs DID take. We've been blessed with 2 healthy and fertilized embryos and as strange as it sounds, I already love them so much. They are fighters that made it this far. I can't help but feel like they made it because they want to be a part of our family.
When I told Vance the news, his face lit up. He was so excited that any fertilized. He is so right. None of my eggs could have fertilized and our journey would be over. We believe in miracles!
Now to decide....one embryo for this transfer, or two???? Only having 2 embryos kind of changes our game plan. We want the BEST possible outcome to come of this. We are beyond desirous of an embryo planting into my uterine lining, sticking, and growing into a sweet little baby Brown.
Please keep the prayers coming. As a friend of mine says, I'll be saying "sticky" prayers! This round of IVF is kind of our only shot. With only 2 embryos and the possibility that we won't be freezing any, we don't know if and when we will ever be able to do IVF again. To do IVF again, we would have to start from scratch and pay the entire amount of $15,000+. Frozen rounds of IVF (which sadly, we won't have unless we only use one embryo and freeze the other) are much cheaper than having to completely re-stimulate my body with shots and drugs to create good eggs, constantly test my blood, conduct frequent ultrasounds, and pay for the egg retrieval with anesthesia. I don't know if we will ever get that opportunity again.
The Miracle Fund is really the only reason IVF has been possible for us, and the only way I can think to thank or repay them for helping is out is by having a miracle baby. Who believes in miracles? I know I do!
May the odds be ever in our favor.
We received a phone call on Saturday morning with news on the status of our eggs. News was that 2 of our 7 fertilized. We have 2 healthy embryos that will be ready for transfer on Tuesday.
Only having 2 embryos was obviously not the news I wanted to hear. I was really praying for 4+, but hoping for at least 3 so that we could put 2 in this round and freeze one for our next child. But the more we thought about it, we are so grateful and excited that 2 eggs DID take. We've been blessed with 2 healthy and fertilized embryos and as strange as it sounds, I already love them so much. They are fighters that made it this far. I can't help but feel like they made it because they want to be a part of our family.
When I told Vance the news, his face lit up. He was so excited that any fertilized. He is so right. None of my eggs could have fertilized and our journey would be over. We believe in miracles!
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| Cutest little embryo illustration ever! |
Now to decide....one embryo for this transfer, or two???? Only having 2 embryos kind of changes our game plan. We want the BEST possible outcome to come of this. We are beyond desirous of an embryo planting into my uterine lining, sticking, and growing into a sweet little baby Brown.
Please keep the prayers coming. As a friend of mine says, I'll be saying "sticky" prayers! This round of IVF is kind of our only shot. With only 2 embryos and the possibility that we won't be freezing any, we don't know if and when we will ever be able to do IVF again. To do IVF again, we would have to start from scratch and pay the entire amount of $15,000+. Frozen rounds of IVF (which sadly, we won't have unless we only use one embryo and freeze the other) are much cheaper than having to completely re-stimulate my body with shots and drugs to create good eggs, constantly test my blood, conduct frequent ultrasounds, and pay for the egg retrieval with anesthesia. I don't know if we will ever get that opportunity again.
The Miracle Fund is really the only reason IVF has been possible for us, and the only way I can think to thank or repay them for helping is out is by having a miracle baby. Who believes in miracles? I know I do!
May the odds be ever in our favor.
Friday, April 22, 2016
Lucky Number 7
Thursday, April 21
I woke up at like 2:30 in the morning in a panic. I woke to the sound our water softener doing it's monthly clean cycle, but thought it was the sound of Vance showering. If he was showering, that meant I had slept in, and I was so paranoid about being late to our very important appointment. I whacked my hand across where he was sleeping to feel if he was gone, and alas....slapped him awake. Luckily, he fell right back asleep. Me? I lay awake until after 5am.
When it was actually time to wake up, my ovaries seriously felt like they were going to explode! I was so nervous that I was already ovulating and that it would mess up my egg collection (typical worry wart). As we were driving to SLC, the early morning radio hosts we were listening to were talking about how they got new microphones that made their voices sound sexy. One of the male radio hosts said "Our voices are so sexy, we are making ovaries explode all across the valley!" Vance and I just looked at each other and laughed at the crazy coincidence of the radio hosts comment, because quite literally, mine were.
As we were pulling into the parking lot, I played "Let's Go" by Matt and Kim because it was time to go and get these eggs out!
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| Let's go! |
I was so excited to find out that the doctor performing the procedure was going to be the head of the reproductive department. I had heard such wonderful things about him! I met him after the surgery, and was kinda starstruck. He's a very well known doctor in the infertility world, and I couldn't believe I was being treated by the head honcho.
The nurses showed me my charts and said it was likely that they would retrieve anywhere from 6–14 mature eggs. I was really praying for double digits! Long story short, I met with nurses and the anesthesiologist to go everything before I was whisked away to the procedure room. Within seconds of the mask going over my mouth and nose, I was out! 40ish minute later I was wheeled back over to another room to slowly wake up. I hardly believed I had really just had surgery. Vance came in shortly after to be with me. I was sooooooo tired! Vance tried to be sneaky and captured a loopy video of me.
I don't know why the video is so blurry :( and it doesn't play on my phone.
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| Don't I look lovely?! (sarcasm) |
The doctor who performed my procedure told me that they got 7 eggs, and sounded really excited about it. I was a bit disappointed with the news because I was really hoping for more so that we could have a greater chance of more fertilized embryos to use for future IVF rounds. But 7 is still an okay number, and I have to remind myself that it's about egg quality and not quantity. We will find out on Saturday how the eggs are doing and when we can have our embryo transfer.
I was wheeled to the parking lot, and we were on our way home. I was so sore and tired I could barely walk up the stairs to our condo, and could barely hoist myself up on the bed. I slept for a few hours. When I woke up, it was hard to move. My ovary area was very sore and swollen, and my hand was really sore where the IV had been placed. And my boobs were sore! I went to the bathroom and found that I had been bleeding for a little bit. I wish they would have told me to wear a pad after retrieval so that I didn't ruin my clothes. (TMI for all of this....sorry!)
We started progesterone shots in the evening. I cried and had a mini panic attack because the needle is so thick and long, and I really didn't want Vance giving it to me. I thought we had a break from shots for a few days, and was sad that we were starting up again earlier than I expected.
Vance did great! It didn't hurt going in, but my hip/butt seriously hurt the rest of the night (and still hurts today.) If all goes well, we will be taking these shots for 2 months, which I absolutely hate thinking about. However, as much as I hate these shots and how painful they are, I really hope we do have to take them the entire 2 months because then that means I am pregnant! If I don't become pregnant, we will stop taking the shots.
Please keep praying for us and for a successful count of embryos.
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Day 9 - Day 10
Day 9
Tuesday, April 19
I drove to SLC for an early morning ultrasound and blood draw. Though the ultrasounds are starting to feel extra unpleasant due to my bulging ovaries, it has been fun to watch and see what is going on inside of my body. My ovaries look more and more like cobwebs at every visit. They are very active and stimulated, so I am really praying for a successful egg retrieval with LOTS of healthy eggs.
The nurses said it was probably looking like I could take my last tummy shots and start my trigger shot that evening (to tell my body when to ovulate). Yay! After my blood test was verified, I received a phone call later that day with exact times to take my last stomach injections and trigger shot. Egg retrieval has been scheduled for early Thursday morning!
We took my last dosage of Menapur and Gonal-F at 6:15. After taking these and eating dinner, I was BLOATED. I could barely breathe and kept cursing myself for eating too much food. I was so bloated that I had to take off my pants and put on some stretchy pants. Good news I suppose, as it just means my ovaries are growing and producing Grade A eggs for our future children :)
Two hours later at exactly 8:15 we took Pregnyl (trigger shot), that goes in the hip. This needle has been making me nervous because it is longer and fatter than the others we have taken, so I called a nurse in our ward to come do this one for us. I knew that if it was up to Vance and me, we might psyche ourselves out and not get the injection in at the exact time we were supposed to. Therefore, I was so grateful to find an experienced nurse be willing to come to our house and help us out. She showed Vance how to do it properly, since he will be giving me very similar shots in the hip with large needles for the Progesterone that I need to start next week.
(Note: 36 hours after the trigger shot is taken, I will ovulate. Hence the 7:45am appointment to collect eggs on Thursday).
After this shot was over I felt like I could relax, knowing that we followed all of the steps correctly and that I didn't have to take any shots the following day. I took all my supplements early (prenatals, fish oil, DHEA, and Co-Q10----all prescribed by my doctor to help with the IVF conception), washed up for bed, and treated myself to starting a new show on Netflix (One Tree Hill....not new but new to me. I just finished Hart of Dixie and decided that OTH will be my next new girly show).
By 10:00, I was exhausted and passed out on the bed.
Day 10
Wednesday, April 20
No shots today, wahoo! Just feeling very bloated and am super excited for tomorrow morning.
Today I am just supposed to drink lots and lots of water (and Gatorade too if I want). I start doxycycline with dinner tonight, which is an antibiotic to help prevent infection. Vance has been taking this for the past week to help his little swimmers be as clean and pure as possible. They will collect his last sample of swimmers tomorrow so that we have fresh eggs and fresh sperm ready to go!
I can't eat or drink anything after midnight tonight, but that shouldn't be an issue since I don't eat past 8:00 anyway. Just hope I don't forget and start drinking water tomorrow morning. I am so excited for the egg retrieval. I find this whole IVF process so fascinating.
Here is a little bit about the egg retrieval for anyone who is curious how the process works:
Typically ER take about 30-45 minutes. The doctor uses a transvaginal ultrasound to guide a needle through the back wall of your vagina, up to your ovaries. Each follicle is a small fluid filled space in the ovary that contains one egg. They use the needle to aspirate the follicle, gently suck the fluid and egg from the follicle to the needle and collecting it into a test tube. These eggs are then promptly transferred to the embryology lab for fertilization.
I will be taking the whole day off for this so that I can heal and relax after it is over. I am pretty excited to spend the rest of the day reading, watching movies, and sleeping when I would normally be at work. (Note: I will be put under for this procedure as it is quite invasive)
Here's to hoping for lots and LOTS of good eggs and fertilization of these eggs! I will post more about the actual retrieval after it happens. Next week will be embryo transfer! We pray we will have lots of good embryos to choose from, with many left over that we can freeze and use when we decide to get pregnant again. Pretty crazy that we can freeze and store our unborn children until we are ready for them, huh?
For those following our journey, please pray that we will get a good egg count tomorrow and lots of healthy embryos (unborn or unhatched offspring in the process of development) out of this. I've never been so nervous or excited about anything in my whole life! I'm nervous because I'm scared of more disappointment and our hearts getting broken again, and so excited thinking that everything will work out and we will have a miracle on the way!
Tuesday, April 19
I drove to SLC for an early morning ultrasound and blood draw. Though the ultrasounds are starting to feel extra unpleasant due to my bulging ovaries, it has been fun to watch and see what is going on inside of my body. My ovaries look more and more like cobwebs at every visit. They are very active and stimulated, so I am really praying for a successful egg retrieval with LOTS of healthy eggs.
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| Not the best pic, but here's a quick pic of my ovaries |
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| Not mine, but my ultrasounds look a lot like this one |
The nurses said it was probably looking like I could take my last tummy shots and start my trigger shot that evening (to tell my body when to ovulate). Yay! After my blood test was verified, I received a phone call later that day with exact times to take my last stomach injections and trigger shot. Egg retrieval has been scheduled for early Thursday morning!
We took my last dosage of Menapur and Gonal-F at 6:15. After taking these and eating dinner, I was BLOATED. I could barely breathe and kept cursing myself for eating too much food. I was so bloated that I had to take off my pants and put on some stretchy pants. Good news I suppose, as it just means my ovaries are growing and producing Grade A eggs for our future children :)
Two hours later at exactly 8:15 we took Pregnyl (trigger shot), that goes in the hip. This needle has been making me nervous because it is longer and fatter than the others we have taken, so I called a nurse in our ward to come do this one for us. I knew that if it was up to Vance and me, we might psyche ourselves out and not get the injection in at the exact time we were supposed to. Therefore, I was so grateful to find an experienced nurse be willing to come to our house and help us out. She showed Vance how to do it properly, since he will be giving me very similar shots in the hip with large needles for the Progesterone that I need to start next week.
(Note: 36 hours after the trigger shot is taken, I will ovulate. Hence the 7:45am appointment to collect eggs on Thursday).
After this shot was over I felt like I could relax, knowing that we followed all of the steps correctly and that I didn't have to take any shots the following day. I took all my supplements early (prenatals, fish oil, DHEA, and Co-Q10----all prescribed by my doctor to help with the IVF conception), washed up for bed, and treated myself to starting a new show on Netflix (One Tree Hill....not new but new to me. I just finished Hart of Dixie and decided that OTH will be my next new girly show).
By 10:00, I was exhausted and passed out on the bed.
Day 10
Wednesday, April 20
No shots today, wahoo! Just feeling very bloated and am super excited for tomorrow morning.
Today I am just supposed to drink lots and lots of water (and Gatorade too if I want). I start doxycycline with dinner tonight, which is an antibiotic to help prevent infection. Vance has been taking this for the past week to help his little swimmers be as clean and pure as possible. They will collect his last sample of swimmers tomorrow so that we have fresh eggs and fresh sperm ready to go!
I can't eat or drink anything after midnight tonight, but that shouldn't be an issue since I don't eat past 8:00 anyway. Just hope I don't forget and start drinking water tomorrow morning. I am so excited for the egg retrieval. I find this whole IVF process so fascinating.
Here is a little bit about the egg retrieval for anyone who is curious how the process works:
Typically ER take about 30-45 minutes. The doctor uses a transvaginal ultrasound to guide a needle through the back wall of your vagina, up to your ovaries. Each follicle is a small fluid filled space in the ovary that contains one egg. They use the needle to aspirate the follicle, gently suck the fluid and egg from the follicle to the needle and collecting it into a test tube. These eggs are then promptly transferred to the embryology lab for fertilization.
I will be taking the whole day off for this so that I can heal and relax after it is over. I am pretty excited to spend the rest of the day reading, watching movies, and sleeping when I would normally be at work. (Note: I will be put under for this procedure as it is quite invasive)
Here's to hoping for lots and LOTS of good eggs and fertilization of these eggs! I will post more about the actual retrieval after it happens. Next week will be embryo transfer! We pray we will have lots of good embryos to choose from, with many left over that we can freeze and use when we decide to get pregnant again. Pretty crazy that we can freeze and store our unborn children until we are ready for them, huh?
For those following our journey, please pray that we will get a good egg count tomorrow and lots of healthy embryos (unborn or unhatched offspring in the process of development) out of this. I've never been so nervous or excited about anything in my whole life! I'm nervous because I'm scared of more disappointment and our hearts getting broken again, and so excited thinking that everything will work out and we will have a miracle on the way!
Monday, April 18, 2016
Day 6 – Day 8
Day 6
Saturday, April 16
I had an ultrasound and a blood draw early Saturday morning. My ovaries look good, though the right side looks more active than the left side. There are a lot of active growing follicles.
I started the Cetrotide shot in my stomach Saturday morning, which is a medication to help prevent early ovulation.
I got a phone call later that afternoon saying to keep on going with the same dosage of medicine. My estradiol (estrogen sex hormone) had risen dramatically from 195 on Thursday to 582 that day. Good sign!
Still continuing nightly injections of Menapur (follicle stimulating hormone that stimulates healthy ovaries to make eggs) and Gonal-F (a synthetic version of a natural sex hormone to help stimulate the development of the follicles and eggs).
Still no signs of bloating or cramping, but started to feel fatigued. Not sure if the fatigue is related to the medication or just all the running around and back and forth trips to Salt Lake I've had to do lately.
(Funny note: Because of my high estrogen levels, Vance asked me if I was feeling even more womanly than usual and if I wanted to bake tons of bread and make him a sandwhich....ha! And my friend Peggy asked if I was in the mood to make and display a bunch of doilies at my house. Gotta love the humor!)
Day 7
Sunday, April 17
Minor cramping and bloating, but mostly just felt really fatigued and napped all day. Thank goodness for Sundays :)
I really dread my tummy shots (9:00pm) and was complaining about them while Vance was mixing the meds. He walked over to me laying on the couch with the ready-to-go syringe in his hand and said, "Hush up little Anni, and accept your fate!" He is so goofy and funny it keeps me laughing through this whole process.
(Note: I thought I would have horrible skin and be breaking out like crazy because of all of the hormones being put into my body, but it has actually been quite the opposite. As I was washing my face for bed last night, I noticed that my skin actually looks and feels (much) clearer than usual; a nice and smooth even tone, with no breakouts at all. I love it!)
Day 8
Monday, April 18
Slight cramping and a bit more bloated.
Just got back from my SLC appointment. Had another ultrasound and blood test and met with a nurse afterwards to go over my schedule. My ultrasound looked really good, with my right side still looking more active than the left.
I will be starting egg retrieval sometime this week! Probably on Thursday. My estradoil is now at 956. I go in for another ultrasound tomorrow morning and hopefully that will determine for sure when I can start taking my trigger shot and when egg retrieval will be.
Every day is one step closer. Keep wishing us luck!
Saturday, April 16
I had an ultrasound and a blood draw early Saturday morning. My ovaries look good, though the right side looks more active than the left side. There are a lot of active growing follicles.
I started the Cetrotide shot in my stomach Saturday morning, which is a medication to help prevent early ovulation.
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| Thumbs up while I wait for my ultrasound |
I got a phone call later that afternoon saying to keep on going with the same dosage of medicine. My estradiol (estrogen sex hormone) had risen dramatically from 195 on Thursday to 582 that day. Good sign!
Still continuing nightly injections of Menapur (follicle stimulating hormone that stimulates healthy ovaries to make eggs) and Gonal-F (a synthetic version of a natural sex hormone to help stimulate the development of the follicles and eggs).
Still no signs of bloating or cramping, but started to feel fatigued. Not sure if the fatigue is related to the medication or just all the running around and back and forth trips to Salt Lake I've had to do lately.
(Funny note: Because of my high estrogen levels, Vance asked me if I was feeling even more womanly than usual and if I wanted to bake tons of bread and make him a sandwhich....ha! And my friend Peggy asked if I was in the mood to make and display a bunch of doilies at my house. Gotta love the humor!)
Day 7
Sunday, April 17
Minor cramping and bloating, but mostly just felt really fatigued and napped all day. Thank goodness for Sundays :)
I really dread my tummy shots (9:00pm) and was complaining about them while Vance was mixing the meds. He walked over to me laying on the couch with the ready-to-go syringe in his hand and said, "Hush up little Anni, and accept your fate!" He is so goofy and funny it keeps me laughing through this whole process.
 | ||
| Accept your fate! |
(Note: I thought I would have horrible skin and be breaking out like crazy because of all of the hormones being put into my body, but it has actually been quite the opposite. As I was washing my face for bed last night, I noticed that my skin actually looks and feels (much) clearer than usual; a nice and smooth even tone, with no breakouts at all. I love it!)
Day 8
Monday, April 18
Slight cramping and a bit more bloated.
Just got back from my SLC appointment. Had another ultrasound and blood test and met with a nurse afterwards to go over my schedule. My ultrasound looked really good, with my right side still looking more active than the left.
I will be starting egg retrieval sometime this week! Probably on Thursday. My estradoil is now at 956. I go in for another ultrasound tomorrow morning and hopefully that will determine for sure when I can start taking my trigger shot and when egg retrieval will be.
Every day is one step closer. Keep wishing us luck!
Friday, April 15, 2016
ABCD......IVF!
Holy moly this week has been hectic! I've been swamped at work, and then when I get home all I have energy/motivation to do is eat, clean up, and watch a little bit of TV before I hit the hay.
(Shows I'm currently watching: Bates Motel, New Girl, Last Man Standing, Hart of Dixie, Better Call Saul, The Big Bang Theory, Fixer Upper, and Property Brothers).
As of I Monday morning, I OFFICIALLY became an IVF patient. Yay!
My period started Sunday evening. I had been anxiously awaiting for it to come. We technically could have started IVF a month ago right after we received our Miracle Fund acceptance letter, but I wanted to mentally prepare myself for this experience, educate myself more on what to expect, and get a mapped out time frame of all the what's, when's, and ifs well in advance so that I wasn't diving into the unknown so quickly. We have been given a very precious gift and I wanted to treat it as such by becoming more prepared for it.
Vance and I spent last month figuring out how the intricate time frame of IVF works, meeting with our nurse about everything, and learning how to use the medications. It was a very valuable month to prepare ourselves, and to also calm my nerves before diving into the intense unknown.
Last week, I waited all weekend for Aunt Flo to arrive, checking myself every so often. I had my finger on my phone ready to speed dial my amazing nurse at any time and let her know it's go time.
Monday morning I went into the SLC office for my first visit as an IVF patient. I had a trans-vaginal ultrasound to make sure my ovaries and everything looked okay. We had a little scare when they noticed a cyst on my right ovary. They said that depending on the kind of cyst it was, I might not be able to start IVF this month. (Insert the sound of my heart shattering). They said it was possible it could just be a leftover cyst from a previous cycle, which wouldn't cause any harm, but if it was a new active cyst they wouldn't want to continue with IVF this cycle because it could greatly narrow my chances of success.
They drew my blood right after the ultrasound, and from the blood tests they would be able to determine whether this cyst would be detrimental to an IVF cycle or not. Because of this unexpected fork in the road, my nurse couldn't let me know the exact game plan yet moving forward. Therefore, I wasn't able to pick up my medications right after the appointment like I was originally planning on doing.
They sent me home and told me to expect a phone call from them later on that afternoon with the blood test results.
I said a little prayer in the parking lot that everything would look okay, and then drove to work and tried not to think about it. A couple hours later I got a phone call from my nurse. Everything looked good and I was given the okay to start this month! (Insert much inner rejoicing). I was given my IVF schedule, and would start taking medications that night.
I called Vance and asked if he could drive to SLC after work and pick up the medications. I sent him the list of all the medications he would need to make sure were ready for pick up. I knew there was a lot of medicine, but I didn't realize just how much of it there would be until he sent me this selfie while I was still at work.
I laughed out loud. Look how cute he is! It looks like he raided the entire pharmacy. The pharmacists were so nice to him and wished him the best of luck. They even packed little ice packs for the medications that need to be refrigerated so that they would stay cool on the hour drive home.
Here is a list of all of the medications:
• Gonal-F
• Menapur
• Doxycyline
• Cetrocide
• Pregnyl
• Progesterone
When Vance got home, we laid all the medications out on the counter. So many syringes and needles! Eeek!
I nearly cried when I saw the receipt. Of all the expensive medications we received, guess how much we paid?
$25.
$25, that's it! For the progesterone which the M.F. doesn't cover. I felt overwhelmed with love all over again for the amazing M.F. people who made this possible. What a huge blessing they are to us. Going through IVF is already stressful and overwhelming enough, I can't even imagine worrying about the financial aspect of it right now. It is such a huge relief to not worry about money as we go through this. I honestly don't feel deserving of this gift, but I am beyond grateful it has been given to us.
We spent an hour Monday night watching and re-watching medication videos to make sure we did everything just right. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't overwhelmed. I didn't want to mess anything up, or mix up the medications wrong, or accidentally be given the wrong dosage. You know, just typical me, worrying about everything. Vance was sweet and calm though. After we felt confident enough to give it a go, he gave me my two shots on the right side of my stomach; Menapur and Gonal-F. These two shots help egg quality and growth. The needles on both of these are very thin and pretty short, so it isn't that bad. They remind me a lot of the trigger shots I have had to do in the past with IUI's, so we knew kind of what to expect when injecting these. It feels like a bee sting going in, and stings for a few minutes afterwards, but it's not too bad.
Vance always calls me on his breaks and asks me how my tummy is doing. He is so sweet and wants to make sure that my stomach isn't sore from all of the poking. I am doing just fine so far. I don't feel sick, bloated, or crazy, and I don't have a zitty pizza face.....yet!
Tonight will be our 5th night of doing this. We alternate sides of the stomach each night, and I have an ultrasound tomorrow morning to make sure everything looks okay. I went in yesterday for another blood draw to make sure my estrogen levels are where they need to be at this point in the medication process, and so far, everything looks good. I will be adding Cetrocide to the medication list tomorrow morning when I go in for my appointment. I'm so excited to see what they find in the ultrasound tomorrow. Things are starting to feel very real around here.
Thanks everyone for your love and support through this. I honestly don't feel like I deserve to receive the outpouring of love, prayers, and support you have all given me. I am a very lucky lady, and I hope you all know how much I love you and am grateful for you in my life.
Again, sorry my posts are so long (and probably boring). I just really want to remember this journey. It's an incredible ride for Vance and me to take and I am loving it so far. We can't wait to FINALLY start our family! It's going to happen....it just has to!
(Shows I'm currently watching: Bates Motel, New Girl, Last Man Standing, Hart of Dixie, Better Call Saul, The Big Bang Theory, Fixer Upper, and Property Brothers).
As of I Monday morning, I OFFICIALLY became an IVF patient. Yay!
My period started Sunday evening. I had been anxiously awaiting for it to come. We technically could have started IVF a month ago right after we received our Miracle Fund acceptance letter, but I wanted to mentally prepare myself for this experience, educate myself more on what to expect, and get a mapped out time frame of all the what's, when's, and ifs well in advance so that I wasn't diving into the unknown so quickly. We have been given a very precious gift and I wanted to treat it as such by becoming more prepared for it.
Vance and I spent last month figuring out how the intricate time frame of IVF works, meeting with our nurse about everything, and learning how to use the medications. It was a very valuable month to prepare ourselves, and to also calm my nerves before diving into the intense unknown.
Last week, I waited all weekend for Aunt Flo to arrive, checking myself every so often. I had my finger on my phone ready to speed dial my amazing nurse at any time and let her know it's go time.
Monday morning I went into the SLC office for my first visit as an IVF patient. I had a trans-vaginal ultrasound to make sure my ovaries and everything looked okay. We had a little scare when they noticed a cyst on my right ovary. They said that depending on the kind of cyst it was, I might not be able to start IVF this month. (Insert the sound of my heart shattering). They said it was possible it could just be a leftover cyst from a previous cycle, which wouldn't cause any harm, but if it was a new active cyst they wouldn't want to continue with IVF this cycle because it could greatly narrow my chances of success.
They drew my blood right after the ultrasound, and from the blood tests they would be able to determine whether this cyst would be detrimental to an IVF cycle or not. Because of this unexpected fork in the road, my nurse couldn't let me know the exact game plan yet moving forward. Therefore, I wasn't able to pick up my medications right after the appointment like I was originally planning on doing.
They sent me home and told me to expect a phone call from them later on that afternoon with the blood test results.
I said a little prayer in the parking lot that everything would look okay, and then drove to work and tried not to think about it. A couple hours later I got a phone call from my nurse. Everything looked good and I was given the okay to start this month! (Insert much inner rejoicing). I was given my IVF schedule, and would start taking medications that night.
I called Vance and asked if he could drive to SLC after work and pick up the medications. I sent him the list of all the medications he would need to make sure were ready for pick up. I knew there was a lot of medicine, but I didn't realize just how much of it there would be until he sent me this selfie while I was still at work.
I laughed out loud. Look how cute he is! It looks like he raided the entire pharmacy. The pharmacists were so nice to him and wished him the best of luck. They even packed little ice packs for the medications that need to be refrigerated so that they would stay cool on the hour drive home.
Here is a list of all of the medications:
• Gonal-F
• Menapur
• Doxycyline
• Cetrocide
• Pregnyl
• Progesterone
When Vance got home, we laid all the medications out on the counter. So many syringes and needles! Eeek!
I nearly cried when I saw the receipt. Of all the expensive medications we received, guess how much we paid?
$25.
$25, that's it! For the progesterone which the M.F. doesn't cover. I felt overwhelmed with love all over again for the amazing M.F. people who made this possible. What a huge blessing they are to us. Going through IVF is already stressful and overwhelming enough, I can't even imagine worrying about the financial aspect of it right now. It is such a huge relief to not worry about money as we go through this. I honestly don't feel deserving of this gift, but I am beyond grateful it has been given to us.
We spent an hour Monday night watching and re-watching medication videos to make sure we did everything just right. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't overwhelmed. I didn't want to mess anything up, or mix up the medications wrong, or accidentally be given the wrong dosage. You know, just typical me, worrying about everything. Vance was sweet and calm though. After we felt confident enough to give it a go, he gave me my two shots on the right side of my stomach; Menapur and Gonal-F. These two shots help egg quality and growth. The needles on both of these are very thin and pretty short, so it isn't that bad. They remind me a lot of the trigger shots I have had to do in the past with IUI's, so we knew kind of what to expect when injecting these. It feels like a bee sting going in, and stings for a few minutes afterwards, but it's not too bad.
Vance always calls me on his breaks and asks me how my tummy is doing. He is so sweet and wants to make sure that my stomach isn't sore from all of the poking. I am doing just fine so far. I don't feel sick, bloated, or crazy, and I don't have a zitty pizza face.....yet!
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| What would I do without him? |
Tonight will be our 5th night of doing this. We alternate sides of the stomach each night, and I have an ultrasound tomorrow morning to make sure everything looks okay. I went in yesterday for another blood draw to make sure my estrogen levels are where they need to be at this point in the medication process, and so far, everything looks good. I will be adding Cetrocide to the medication list tomorrow morning when I go in for my appointment. I'm so excited to see what they find in the ultrasound tomorrow. Things are starting to feel very real around here.
Thanks everyone for your love and support through this. I honestly don't feel like I deserve to receive the outpouring of love, prayers, and support you have all given me. I am a very lucky lady, and I hope you all know how much I love you and am grateful for you in my life.
Again, sorry my posts are so long (and probably boring). I just really want to remember this journey. It's an incredible ride for Vance and me to take and I am loving it so far. We can't wait to FINALLY start our family! It's going to happen....it just has to!
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Cheers to 2016
Blogging.
Ever since I've struggled with infertility, that seems to be all I talk about on my blog. Yet on social media (Instagram and Facebook), I rarely ever talk about my personal struggles, because, well....they're personal. My blog is a place for me to get feelings off my chest and document intimate details of my life without bothering many followers, and without exposing myself to people I don't want to expose myself to. I honestly only blog for ME. I blog so that I can remember what I was feeling, when I was feeling it, and to later on down the road have an accurate remembrance of how it happened, and when. I also write so I can share my journal with my future posterity someday.
And then there's Instagram.
Ah, I love Instagram. It's there that I basically highlight the fun, happy, and best parts of my life in a photo journal. I'd honestly post on Instagram a lot more if I wasn't so afraid of annoying the crap out of my followers (because let's face it, we all get hella annoyed when people post too much). But why wouldn't I want to create a picture book of my life experiences, my observations, the amazing people in it, and capture and share as many of those precious moments as I can? Instagram is a genius way to quickly snap my life, immortalizing that moment, and write a quick little note to go along with the picture. It even captures the date and place I took/posted that picture. Best way to journal if you ask me! As soon as I look at a picture from my life (and read what I wrote about that moment) I become flooded with memories.
I am going to try and be better about incorporating more of that into my blog in the future; posting the pictures and the moments that make up my life and show what makes my life so special to me.
Below is the last picture I took in 2015 on New Year's Eve as I was waiting for the new year of 2016 to greet me. I posted it on Instagram with a rather lengthy caption. I want to share it here because I think what I had to say is relevant to what I have struggled through for years, and how all of those hard and trying years were stepping stones to get Vance and I to where we are now.
Took Christmas down today. As I was doing so, I was reflecting on this past year. Last year (2014) sucked. It was a REALLY hard year financially, emotionally, and spiritually. I cried......a lot. Vance worked an unpaid internship for 6 months and my income didn't really support us or his tuition. Despite our financial situation, we made so many efforts to continue trying to start our family with no success. On top of that, our (spidery) apartment had become infested with black mold and made me sick and ruined a bunch of artwork I did in college. We had such good friends, a great ward, and supportive family, but I felt like I was trapped in a deep, dark abyss of sadness and that things would never look up. Everyone around us was moving on to the next big phase in life, and it felt like we were moving backwards. I made a promise to myself last New Year's Eve that 2015 would be different, and that our many years of hard work trying to better our lives would finally pay off. And it was better.....by a landslide! We moved out of our moldy apartment and bought our first beautiful home together. Vance got a sweet job as a health and PE teacher, and we got rid of our rickety old car and bought a new one. Everything upgraded this year. I've been asking Santa since 2011 for a baby and he still hasn't delivered, but I still feel so blessed with how this past year went. We found a new doctor who we trust will help us achieve what we have been desiring for so long. 2015 has been my sweetest year yet, and I believe we have some plans paved to make 2016 even sweeter. Happy New Year everyone! #JOY #1Teacher
4 1/2 months in and 2016 has already proved to be memorable, and I truly believe it will be a pivotal and defining year for us as well. Cheers to 2016!
Ever since I've struggled with infertility, that seems to be all I talk about on my blog. Yet on social media (Instagram and Facebook), I rarely ever talk about my personal struggles, because, well....they're personal. My blog is a place for me to get feelings off my chest and document intimate details of my life without bothering many followers, and without exposing myself to people I don't want to expose myself to. I honestly only blog for ME. I blog so that I can remember what I was feeling, when I was feeling it, and to later on down the road have an accurate remembrance of how it happened, and when. I also write so I can share my journal with my future posterity someday.
And then there's Instagram.
Ah, I love Instagram. It's there that I basically highlight the fun, happy, and best parts of my life in a photo journal. I'd honestly post on Instagram a lot more if I wasn't so afraid of annoying the crap out of my followers (because let's face it, we all get hella annoyed when people post too much). But why wouldn't I want to create a picture book of my life experiences, my observations, the amazing people in it, and capture and share as many of those precious moments as I can? Instagram is a genius way to quickly snap my life, immortalizing that moment, and write a quick little note to go along with the picture. It even captures the date and place I took/posted that picture. Best way to journal if you ask me! As soon as I look at a picture from my life (and read what I wrote about that moment) I become flooded with memories.
I am going to try and be better about incorporating more of that into my blog in the future; posting the pictures and the moments that make up my life and show what makes my life so special to me.
Below is the last picture I took in 2015 on New Year's Eve as I was waiting for the new year of 2016 to greet me. I posted it on Instagram with a rather lengthy caption. I want to share it here because I think what I had to say is relevant to what I have struggled through for years, and how all of those hard and trying years were stepping stones to get Vance and I to where we are now.
Took Christmas down today. As I was doing so, I was reflecting on this past year. Last year (2014) sucked. It was a REALLY hard year financially, emotionally, and spiritually. I cried......a lot. Vance worked an unpaid internship for 6 months and my income didn't really support us or his tuition. Despite our financial situation, we made so many efforts to continue trying to start our family with no success. On top of that, our (spidery) apartment had become infested with black mold and made me sick and ruined a bunch of artwork I did in college. We had such good friends, a great ward, and supportive family, but I felt like I was trapped in a deep, dark abyss of sadness and that things would never look up. Everyone around us was moving on to the next big phase in life, and it felt like we were moving backwards. I made a promise to myself last New Year's Eve that 2015 would be different, and that our many years of hard work trying to better our lives would finally pay off. And it was better.....by a landslide! We moved out of our moldy apartment and bought our first beautiful home together. Vance got a sweet job as a health and PE teacher, and we got rid of our rickety old car and bought a new one. Everything upgraded this year. I've been asking Santa since 2011 for a baby and he still hasn't delivered, but I still feel so blessed with how this past year went. We found a new doctor who we trust will help us achieve what we have been desiring for so long. 2015 has been my sweetest year yet, and I believe we have some plans paved to make 2016 even sweeter. Happy New Year everyone! #JOY #1Teacher
4 1/2 months in and 2016 has already proved to be memorable, and I truly believe it will be a pivotal and defining year for us as well. Cheers to 2016!
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Jackpot Winners
It's official!
Vance and I are starting IVF through the University of Utah this spring. We are still speechless! There are no words to explain how very blessed we feel, and how much overwhelming gratitude we feel for the generous donor who made this possible for us. We are SO excited!
For detailed updates on our process, I will be trying to keep up with everything on here. I have decided to go private on our blog while we go through this, since only family and a few close friends know that this is happening. We want to keep this process private, but give those who care about us an opportunity to be in the loop. Therefore, we will not be sharing any updates on social media, or telling many others about our exciting news just yet. We ask you to please do the same :)
Please keep us in your prayers, send good vibes our way, and wish us luck!
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