Last spring while Vance and I were in the midst of IVF treatments, I had the privilege of taking family photos of the Paget family. Peggy and Thad are some of my best friends, and their son Rockwell is sooooo cute! They found a gorgeous location in SLC, and the weather was perfect. I know they are not great, but I am pleased with how they turned out...especially considering the photos were taken with an old point-and-shoot camera.
It only took me six months to edit the pics (I am a BIG TIME slacker/procrastinator), but I finally did it. Here are a few of my favorites.
Save the best for last. This is my favorite one!
Note: I have no intentions or desires of doing future family photography or photo editing.
As mentioned in past posts, Vance and I began our journey to start a family shortly after our one year anniversary, (October 22, 2011). Although it was scary to make that decision, it was mostly exciting. After 3 months of trying, I was getting discouraged and upset. It was taking so long! We had friends who were pregnant, a new baby niece, and young nephews. We were really hoping to get pregnant soon so that we could have kids around the same time as our family and friends.
Fast forward 1 year.
A year after trying, we started getting tested to see if we could figure out what was going on. We were both so sad, scared, and hopeful. Everything checked out okay on Vance's end, so my doctor started putting me on clomid and monitoring me with ultrasounds.
Fast forward 3 years.
3 years into trying, Vance had been tested several times, I had gone through multiple rounds of clomid and femara, we found our new doctor, I had X-rays and ultrasounds done on me to test everything out, and we had gone through 2 rounds of artificial insemination.
Fast forward 4 years.
At our 4 year mark of trying, we had 2 more rounds of artificial insemination under our belt for a total of 4 rounds (6 if you count the 2 other times we stopped the process right before the transfer date, due to my body's reaction to medications). We started applying for the Miracle Fund so that we could hopefully try IVF.
Fast forward to the present day.
At 4.5 years, life events finally led up to our desired IVF. Up until this point, we were still labeled as UNEXPLAINED. I bold that word and put it in all caps because it is an absolutely infuriating and haunting word for someone who has tried to find answers for as longs as we have. We went through the intense process of IVF as a couple diagnosed with unexplained infertility.
Almost 5 years of trying and one round of IVF later, we think we finally have an answer to the unexplained.
Vance and I have spent so many years being labeled as "unexplained"
infertility, that it seems unreal that we now know the answer. We now
know the reason behind the WHY. And even though I finally know the reason
why, it all still feels so unexplained. I'm so grateful for the new knowledge, but I am also surprised with how little assurance and peace it has given me to know the answer. Perhaps I am just so jaded? I'm sure I won't accurately explain it, as a lot of what my doctor explained to me went over my head, but here it is in a nutshell:
Due to certain genes I carry, I guess my eggs have a very difficult time maturing. It is unexplained how or why this happens to some women, but for whatever reason...they don't mature. Thus they don't become fertilized and grow into humans.
They were able to find this out about me because of IVF. After all of the medication I was on during IVF, I still had very few eggs to collect. Of the 7 eggs they did collect, only 2 were mature. Of the 2 that matured and fertilized, only 1 survived. He said that normally, if 7 eggs were collected, 5-6 of those eggs should have been mature and survived to the embryo stage, while 1-2 might have died off. I was just the opposite: 1-2 survived to that stage, and 5-6 died. If my body had that hard of a time producing mature eggs while taking all of those
medications that are catered to egg stimulation and quality, just imagine how slim my chances are on a normal month
with no medications? Next to none.
It is possible that the one surviving embryo (Nemo) that was transferred to my body had issues due to the my egg condition, which caused it to die off inside of me. But at any rate, after receiving and pondering our new information, I have so many new questions. The main one is this: Have my eggs been this way since birth, or did my condition develop over time? Is there something I could have done differently to prevent this from happening? He mentioned "genes" that cause my eggs not to mature, so does that mean it was a predisposition?
We can try another round of IVF that would be much more tailored to my body and what Dr. Moore discovered, and thus could have better success the next time around. Finally discovering WHY we haven't been able to conceive has helped our doctor know how to specifically treat us. It is just a matter of money at this point.
We may or may not do IVF again in the near future. We re-applied for the Cycle Plus Money Back Guarantee program, so that we could hopefully try again (1 fresh cycle and 2 frozen if I have any embryos left to freeze) and get a portion of our money back if we don't become pregnant. However, I just got an email back today saying that the committee had time to review our latest records, and now we don't qualify at all.
Finding out that we didn't have embryos left to freeze was a huge loss for us. Finding out that Nemo didn't make it was a huge loss for us. I can't imagine trying this again, and going through that loss again, along with a loss of $18,000+. We would be much more willing to go through IVF again if we knew we could get a portion of the money back if it doesn't work. Not qualifying for the Money Back Guarantee makes me very reluctant. It's a huge game changer for us, since we are less willing to "gamble" that much money away.
I want anyone reading this to know that I am doing fine, I just wanted to finally update this chapter of our journey. I am focusing my time and energy right now on possible fundraisers we can do to help raise money for a future round of IVF. But even more importantly, I am also focusing on ME right now. I turn the big 3-0 in a couple short months. I want to be happy with myself and where I am at in my life as I hit this new mile-mark. I've dreaded turning 30 for a long time now, but I am learning to embrace it, and in return I am trying to love myself as I continue to grow up. I am doing so by exercising and finally getting my body into shape (for the first time in my life), and by re-connecting with my art. It has always been a dream of mine to be great at my passion, so while I am far from being a great artist, I am trying to get back on track.
Good things can and will happen for us. It might not come in the form of baby dust, but good things will happen because I am so driven to become a successful and talented woman that others can look up to.
I apologize to anyone who has tried to leave me any comments on here and couldn't do so. They don't make managing these blogs very user friendly or very easy to figure out.
It looks like my comments section was blocked (who even knew that was a thing? I sure didn't), but I think I figured it out. I love comments, so feel free to drop me a line!
I was going to wait a few weeks to post this, but I figured I might as well just do it now. I thought about just keeping it private for only Vance and me to read,
but feel I owe an explanation and a closing chapter to those who have
been following us through our journey. This post is very personal to me, and I honestly can't believe I've been so open in sharing our battle with infertility these past few years. I think I have been so open for a few reasons:
• I want to remember this story accurately and be able to reflect on it someday
• I don't want to have to answer as many questions in person
• I want to give those who care and are interested the opportunity to know what's going on
• I want to shed some light and help make aware the taboo topic of infertility, as told from my perspective
• I would like to be able to help someone out if they ever have any questions as they go through a similar experience. I want whoever she may be to know that she is not alone in the way she is feeling or the things she is going through.
So here we go....
We named our embryo Nemo because just like in the movie Finding Nemo, our little Nemo was the last and only surviving egg. When we went in for our transfer, our doctor broke the bad new to us that the other
embryo didn't make it to a day 5 blastocyst, so we only had one little guy
(our Nemo) to transfer. If you remember the beginning of the movie, a barracuda comes through and attacks Nemo's mom and his 400 brothers and sisters who haven't yet hatched from their eggs. After the attack, Nemo is the only egg left.
It is with a very heavy heart that I say that our Nemo didn't make it.
Vance went out of town on Thursday night for a race he was pacing in the Grand Canyon. I had women from the ward helping me out with my shots, but I felt uneasy all weekend. By Saturday evening I was so nervous, and had very light pink spotting. My cramps were getting worse, but I kept trying to brush it off, telling myself this was probably normal for an IVF patient in the early stages pregnancy (even though I knew it wasn't).
I went to hop in the shower when I noticed several drops of blood, and completely lost it. Aunt Flo had arrived. I collapsed to the ground and felt my heart rip out of my chest. To say I was sobbing would be an understatement. I wailed uncontrollably like I've never wailed before. I kept screaming "No!" over and over again as I rocked myself in the fetal position. I felt indescribable grief and loss. I eventually got up and sobbed through my entire shower and then cried myself to sleep. I wished more than anything that Vance was there to be with me.
Vance made it home from his trip at like 1am and just cuddled me, knowing the bad news. We headed to the doctors office at 7am on Mother's Day. When the nurses called me back to get my blood drawn, I reluctantly got up, knowing this was my final step to an unsuccessful and heartbreaking round of IVF. Vance kept his hopes up, saying that it could just be my body being confused and that a baby really was actually forming in there. But I know my body, and I definitely know what a period feels like. I knew I had to get my final closure though, and in the meantime tried to humor myself that maybe I really was reading the signs all wrong. It's not over until the fat lady sings, right? But I knew that this (metaphorical) fat lady was getting ready to sing one hell of a song.
As the nurse was prepping my arm and my veins for the blood draw, I asked "So, if I'm spotting and cramping today that probably isn't a good sign, huh?" She looked at me with pity on her face and shook her head. That is when the tears just poured out like a waterfall. Fat, hot tears burned down my face, filling my chest with a pool full of salt water. Vance squeezed my other hand as she drew my blood, and I just sat in the chair silently weeping. I was so grateful that Vance made it home in time to be with me when I needed him. I can't imagine if I would have had to go through that alone.
"Have a nice day," the 2nd nurse in the room that watched me cry said as we left the office. Ha! Gee, thanks lady.
We made it back to the car and I wailed hysterically all over again. I was shaking and uncontrollable. This was the heaviest grief and by far the worst day of infertility I had been through yet. After all that we had been through, after all of the good signs, and after the long process of finally getting accepted into the Miracle Fund and the amazing donors who made it possible, how could this really be the answer? And the cruel irony of it all going down on Mother's Day was too much for my heart to handle. Getting up early to drive to SLC to take THE pregnancy test that I knew was negative was one very hard pill to swallow.
We received a phone call a few hours later, and sure enough I was right. Negative. And with no surviving embryos, IVF in the near future is not looking likely for us. The wet and stormy weather that day matched my emotions so perfectly.
Immediately after the phone call ended, I wept yet again, this time Vance crying with me. He hugged me, kissed me, and told me that he loves me so much. He told me that I will always be enough for him, and that he couldn't imagine finding anyone else more perfect for him than me. He told me that I was brave, and that he was so proud of me. Lastly, he told me that going through IVF made him feel even closer to me, and that he was grateful for the even tighter bond that going through IVF together gave us. We hugged and cried, and never had I felt so loved and so heartbroken in the same moment as I did right then.
I received lots of sweet messages and texts that morning and throughout the day from my sisters and brother, parents, family and friends wishing me a happy Mother's Day and telling me how much they loved me and were rooting for Nemo. None of them knew the bad news, but it meant so much to me that so many people were thinking of me on what had I hoped would be the happiest Mother's Day ever. I had a couple more meltdowns on Sunday, and by the end of the day I was completely exhausted and emotionally drained.
I saw this video floating around social media, and bawled through the whole thing. I have put up a tough fight for the title of mother, and will continue to do so again once these very fresh wounds start to heal. 7–8 rounds of clomid and femara, 1 hysterosalpingography, 1 sonosalpingogram, 4 IUIs, 1 (adoption) home study, countless blood tests, shots, and transvaginal ultrasounds, 1 taxing round of IVF, and almost 5 years later, we are still left empty handed and praying for the chance to one day become parents.
Infertility is HARD. If you have a been blessed with children, give them
a squeeze and give thanks to your Heavenly Father that He placed them
into your loving arms. Children, and the ability to create life truly
are miracles. I don't doubt that raising a family is difficult, and that
sometimes...if not most of the time...your children drive you crazy.
Nonetheless, they are still miracles.
Every morning since Mother's Day has been difficult. I wake up feeling sad, broken, and not wanting to get out of bed. I hate my body and I hate that it keeps letting me down. I feel like I've failed myself and that I've let my husband down. I usually shake off the sadness and am fine throughout the day, but mornings and nights are when the grief really hits. Getting rid of my dreadful shots and removing our medical station from our counter was actually really hard for me to do. Even though I hated those shots, I loved thinking about what they were doing to help me reach my family, and I was really praying I would have to take them for another 6 weeks. It pained me to let it all go. It meant saying goodbye to Nemo, and goodbye to the hope that going through IVF brought me.
We don't know yet what our next step will be, and we aren't planning anything drastic in the near future. We need another break from all of the madness. We do plan to meet with our doctor in the next few weeks to learn more about what he found out about our unexplained infertility, but in the meantime we just want to re-coop and enjoy our summer.
Thanks everyone for your support and prayers. We feel so lucky to have been able to experience IVF. I really thought that with as many prayers and positive vibes we had sent our way, we would be blessed in the way we wanted to be blessed this time around. We wanted more than anything to know what tiny little Nemo would look like and who he or she would become, but were not granted that wish. So it looks like this little Anni is going to have to continue to wait.
The first 2 weeks of the ride is filled with a lot of ups and a lot of excitement. You are constantly seeing nurses and getting updates on how your body is doing and how well you are responding to medications. Every change to your body is exciting because it means the medications are working and that you are one step closer to reaching your ultimate goal of parenthood. Everything moves so fast paced you don't even really have time to worry or think that it might not work out. I don't know about other women going through this part of the IVF process, but for me during the first two weeks, I felt really confident and full of hope.
However, the last 2 weeks of the ride are a whole different story....
After your embryo transfer, you are left in a 2 week waiting game with no doctor visits and no updates on what is happening inside of your body. You have no nurses encouraging you and telling you that everything is going to work out, and no doctors saying that everything looks great. You feel somewhat abandoned, and suddenly every worry and doubt you could possibly have is amplified to the extreme. Confidence is replaced with skepticism. Excitement is replaced with fear. Peace is replaced with anxiety. Hope is replaced with doubt. Every period symptom cramp and tiny little feeling inside your body feels like a negative sign. You know you are supposed to think positive thoughts, but instead you are trapped in some weird negative limbo, wondering how you will react when you finally do get one of two answers. You almost feel like the game is over before you even really know for sure if it is.
I recently re-acquainted myself with an old song by the incredible Ben Folds. I used to listen to Ben on the regular, but it has probably been a few years since I've pulled him up on my iPod. I was skimming through my iPod a few weeks ago when I was just starting the IVF journey and gasped when I remembered one of his songs I nearly forgot about. This song has always been a favorite of mine, because it's a song about me. However, as I listened to this song for the first time in a few years, it took on a whole new meaning to me. It applies so perfectly to not only my 2 week wait, but the nearly 5 year wait of infertility I have gone through. The fact that the song is about Anni(e) makes it too perfect and sentimental not to share. The song is called Annie Waits.
(Note: For those who don't know, Anni (without an E), has been my nickname since I was kid. Family and close friends call me Anni.)
Press play, it's worth a listen :)
The true meaning of this song in a nutshell is about a girl named Annie who waits and
waits for the guy she's in love with who will never fully commit to her, yet she keeps justifying why he's a jerk who is always disappointing her... until one day she's finally had enough and breaks free from him. All the while the narrator of the song is in love with Annie and waits and waits for
her, but she never chooses him. It's a sad song :(
I've obviously re-interpreted the song's meaning to this:
Anni (without an E) has been waiting for years and years to have a child, yet despite all of her efforts she has never been able to conceive. In just a few days time she is going to receive a call from a fertility nurse that could possibly change her life and make her the happiest woman in the world. However, a large part of her fears that it will be the same heartbreaking news she's had for the past 5 years. Her biological clock is ticking as she keeps getting older, yet she keeps trying and pushing forward. Shadows pass her by and out of sight as families around her continue to grow and hers never does. She and her husband have been dreaming of their future with a small family for years, but every time their dreams are crushed she tends to think that maybe they would be better off alone; just the 2 of them. She is getting so emotionally and physically worn down from trying to chase after her maternal dreams, and sometimes feels like she is ready to throw in the towel. However, Anni waits for the last time when she is finally able to receive the medical treatment of IVF she's been desiring. After a torturous 2 week wait and an even more torturous 5 year wait, it's finally her turn.
Let's all pray that Anni really does wait for the last time. C'mon Nemo!
Still going strong with progesterone shots! These shots help thicken my uterine lining. Progesterone is necessary for implantation of the fertilized egg in the uterus and for maintaining pregnancy.
Our first progesterone shot was on Thursday, April 21st...same day as the egg retrieval. I was scared to death of making it to this point in IVF with these shots, because the needle is so fat and long. We all know how well I do with needles. Plus, I was panicked having Vance be the one to give me the shots, because....well....he'd never given me a shot with a big ass needle before. That first night of the shot hurt like hell. The actual injection wasn't too bad, but about 10 minutes later, my entire left backside and into my leg started tingling/burning and aching. Between my procedure earlier that day, and my first shot, I could barely move and when I did walk around, I moved like a little old lady.
My second night progesterone shot was even worse. We just got back from the temple, and I had prayed in the temple that I would have the strength to endure these shots that scared me and were causing me pain. After about 5 minutes of me trying to procrastinate the inevitable, Vance finally gave me the shot on my right side. Even with the music we play to keep me calm, and the baby chick decor I look at to make me smile, I could feel the needle going in and it really freaked me out. Almost immediately after, I felt the burn and my right side growing achy. Now both sides of my buttocks were extremely tender.
I laid down on our bed and had a complete meltdown. I couldn't stop sobbing. I could barely move because both sides of my body were so achy and sore, and I couldn't imagine that 48 hours would allow either side to heal soon enough before it was time to give myself a shot again in the same area all over again. And to do/feel this way every day for 2 months! I was being a baby; I knew I was being ridiculous. Many strong and brave women have gone through this, so I should be able to as well. I could do the tummy shots, I could do the vaginal ultrasounds, I could do the egg retrieval, I could do the uncomfortable embryo transfer, I could deal with the tender breasts and the extreme bloating, and I could even handle the constant blood draws and the IV, but these progesterone shots were proving to be the only hurdle I felt like I couldn't and didn't want to handle. I think the entire process of IVF caught up with me that night as I hysterically bawled in my bed. Vance was so sweet and just cuddled me as I cried.
(Note: Can I just say what an amazing husband and support Vance has been through this whole thing? He is so good at giving me my shots, is patient in waiting for me to calm my nerves before he injects mes, and rubs my tender areas afterwards. He thought that giving me shots would freak him out too, but he says that he has been strong because he knows he has to be. I love him so much and don't know what I would do without him.)
Saturday night (April 23) was my 3rd night of these dreadful shots, and my first shot back on the original side. Just as I had suspected, 48 hours later my left side was still sore – and just in time for a long needle full of serum to work its way back into my tender muscles! After a long freak out of not wanting to do it, I finally braved it up long enough for Vance to give me my shot. I laid down and waited for the stinging/aching to kick in, which it did.
Sleeping those first few nights was not easy. I would turn to one side and feel pain, so I would move to the other side, and feel more pain. There was no getting comfortable.
We had our embryo transfer the following Tuesday (April 26) and after it was over, I asked the nurses if it was normal to be in as much pain from the shots as I was in. I knew I would feel a little bit sore and irritated, but this was worse than I had expected. The pain was covering a large majority of my lower back and backside area, and I could barely sit. They asked to see where Vance had been poking me. Vance had been lining the shots up with the top of my (ahem, butt crack), and going out to the side and a little bit above. He had been following where a video we watched said to inject. The nurses said he should actually be going up on my love handle area, which is higher up and out to the side a bit more. They drew circles on my body so that he could see his target area that night.
Ever since Vance has switched injections to the love handle region, the pain has reduced drastically and I can sit and sleep again! It's amazing what a difference I have felt. I am so glad I asked the nurses about this issue instead of just accepting that how I was feeling was probably normal, because it wasn't. The shots Vance gave me the first few days still worked into my system effectively, but now I don't have to be in so much pain afterwards.
I still hate the shots, but ever since we had our embryo transfer, I've been able to handle them. They printed us out a picture of our sweet little day 5 embryo (blastocyst), and also an ultrasound picture of where the embryo landed in my uterus. I stare at those pictures (along with the baby chicks and the music) while Vance gives me my shots, to remind myself of why I am doing this.
My happy place as I'm getting poked :)
Red circle indicates where the embryo landed
Our potential little Nemo is worth a shot. In fact, he/she is worth hundreds of shots! I'll do it today, I'll do it again tomorrow, and I'll do it for years to come if I have to.
I will eventually write a more lengthy post about our Tuesday transfer, but for now I will just say this:
Transfer went well and we got to meet our microscopic blastocyst (a day 5 embryo) Tuesday morning. It was really special. We named our little embryo we transferred Nemo.
Due to the emotional roller coaster I've been on and the IVF process throwing some unexpected curve balls at us, I'm not wanting to go into detail of everything just yet.
Because of IVF, our doctor did find some leads to our "unexplained" infertility that he would like to go over with us around the same time we find out if Nemo accepted our invitation to become a human or not. We pray that we are a few weeks short of a miracle, and that our doctor found some helpful answers for us as we try to conceive again in the future.
When we do find out, we will let our immediate families know. However, we will not be posting anything or announcing one way or another (good news or bad), until probably sometime in June or early July. We will either need to grieve and move on alone, or celebrate and pray for a healthy pregnancy before we are ready to announce to the world.
We appreciate everyone's prayers for us, and definitely feel them. Now, pray for Nemo too!
Vance and I went to the temple Friday night to get some peace of mind and clarity. IVF has been very intense. We had already (tentatively) decided we would put 2 fertilized eggs in this round and freeze the remaining embryos for a later round, but went to pray that the fertilization process would go well.
We received a phone call on Saturday morning with news on the status of our eggs. News was that 2 of our 7 fertilized. We have 2 healthy embryos that will be ready for transfer on Tuesday.
Only having 2 embryos was obviously not the news I wanted to hear. I was really praying for 4+, but hoping for at least 3 so that we could put 2 in this round and freeze one for our next child. But the more we thought about it, we are so grateful and excited that 2 eggs DID take. We've been blessed with 2 healthy and fertilized embryos and as strange as it sounds, I already love them so much. They are fighters that made it this far. I can't help but feel like they made it because they want to be a part of our family.
When I told Vance the news, his face lit up. He was so excited that any fertilized. He is so right. None of my eggs could have fertilized and our journey would be over. We believe in miracles!
Cutest little embryo illustration ever!
Now to decide....one embryo for this transfer, or two???? Only having 2 embryos kind of changes our game plan. We want the BEST possible outcome to come of this. We are beyond desirous of an embryo planting into my uterine lining, sticking, and growing into a sweet little baby Brown.
Please keep the prayers coming. As a friend of mine says, I'll be saying "sticky" prayers! This round of IVF is kind of our only shot. With only 2 embryos and the possibility that we won't be freezing any, we don't know if and when we will ever be able to do IVF again. To do IVF again, we would have to start from scratch and pay the entire amount of $15,000+. Frozen rounds of IVF (which sadly, we won't have unless we only use one embryo and freeze the other) are much cheaper than having to completely re-stimulate my body with shots and drugs to create good eggs, constantly test my blood, conduct frequent ultrasounds, and pay for the egg retrieval with anesthesia. I don't know if we will ever get that opportunity again.
The Miracle Fund is really the only reason IVF has been possible for us, and the only way I can think to thank or repay them for helping is out is by having a miracle baby. Who believes in miracles? I know I do!
I woke up at like 2:30 in the morning in a panic. I woke to the sound our water softener doing it's monthly clean cycle, but thought it was the sound of Vance showering. If he was showering, that meant I had slept in, and I was so paranoid about being late to our very important appointment. I whacked my hand across where he was sleeping to feel if he was gone, and alas....slapped him awake. Luckily, he fell right back asleep. Me? I lay awake until after 5am.
When it was actually time to wake up, my ovaries seriously felt like they were going to explode! I was so nervous that I was already ovulating and that it would mess up my egg collection (typical worry wart). As we were driving to SLC, the early morning radio hosts we were listening to were talking about how they got new microphones that made their voices sound sexy. One of the male radio hosts said "Our voices are so sexy, we are making ovaries explode all across the valley!" Vance and I just looked at each other and laughed at the crazy coincidence of the radio hosts comment, because quite literally, mine were.
As we were pulling into the parking lot, I played "Let's Go" by Matt and Kim because it was time to go and get these eggs out!
Let's go!
I was so excited to find out that the doctor performing the procedure was going to be the head of the reproductive department. I had heard such wonderful things about him! I met him after the surgery, and was kinda starstruck. He's a very well known doctor in the infertility world, and I couldn't believe I was being treated by the head honcho.
The nurses showed me my charts and said it was likely that they would retrieve anywhere from 6–14 mature eggs. I was really praying for double digits! Long story short, I met with nurses and the anesthesiologist to go everything before I was whisked away to the procedure room. Within seconds of the mask going over my mouth and nose, I was out! 40ish minute later I was wheeled back over to another room to slowly wake up. I hardly believed I had really just had surgery. Vance came in shortly after to be with me. I was sooooooo tired! Vance tried to be sneaky and captured a loopy video of me.
I don't know why the video is so blurry :( and it doesn't play on my phone.
Don't I look lovely?! (sarcasm)
The doctor who performed my procedure told me that they got 7 eggs, and sounded really excited about it. I was a bit disappointed with the news because I was really hoping for more so that we could have a greater chance of more fertilized embryos to use for future IVF rounds. But 7 is still an okay number, and I have to remind myself that it's about egg quality and not quantity. We will find out on Saturday how the eggs are doing and when we can have our embryo transfer.
I was wheeled to the parking lot, and we were on our way home. I was so sore and tired I could barely walk up the stairs to our condo, and could barely hoist myself up on the bed. I slept for a few hours. When I woke up, it was hard to move. My ovary area was very sore and swollen, and my hand was really sore where the IV had been placed. And my boobs were sore! I went to the bathroom and found that I had been bleeding for a little bit. I wish they would have told me to wear a pad after retrieval so that I didn't ruin my clothes. (TMI for all of this....sorry!)
We started progesterone shots in the evening. I cried and had a mini panic attack because the needle is so thick and long, and I really didn't want Vance giving it to me. I thought we had a break from shots for a few days, and was sad that we were starting up again earlier than I expected.
Vance did great! It didn't hurt going in, but my hip/butt seriously hurt the rest of the night (and still hurts today.) If all goes well, we will be taking these shots for 2 months, which I absolutely hate thinking about. However, as much as I hate these shots and how painful they are, I really hope we do have to take them the entire 2 months because then that means I am pregnant! If I don't become pregnant, we will stop taking the shots.
Please keep praying for us and for a successful count of embryos.
I drove to SLC for an early morning ultrasound and blood draw. Though the ultrasounds are starting to feel extra unpleasant due to my bulging ovaries, it has been fun to watch and see what is going on inside of my body. My ovaries look more and more like cobwebs at every visit. They are very active and stimulated, so I am really praying for a successful egg retrieval with LOTS of healthy eggs.
Not the best pic, but here's a quick pic of my ovaries
Not mine, but my ultrasounds look a lot like this one
The nurses said it was probably looking like I could take my last tummy shots and start my trigger shot that evening (to tell my body when to ovulate). Yay! After my blood test was verified, I received a phone call later that day with exact times to take my last stomach injections and trigger shot. Egg retrieval has been scheduled for early Thursday morning!
We took my last dosage of Menapur and Gonal-F at 6:15. After taking these and eating dinner, I was BLOATED. I
could barely breathe and kept cursing myself for eating too much food. I
was so bloated that I had to take off my pants and put on some stretchy
pants. Good news I suppose, as it just means my ovaries are growing and
producing Grade A eggs for our future children :)
Two hours later at exactly 8:15 we took Pregnyl (trigger shot), that goes in the hip. This needle has been making me nervous because it is longer and fatter than the others we have taken, so I called a nurse in our ward to come do this one for us. I knew that if it was up to Vance and me, we might psyche ourselves out and not get the injection in at the exact time we were supposed to. Therefore, I was so grateful to find an experienced nurse be willing to come to our house and help us out. She showed Vance how to do it properly, since he will be giving me very similar shots in the hip with large needles for the Progesterone that I need to start next week.
(Note: 36 hours after the trigger shot is taken, I will ovulate. Hence the 7:45am appointment to collect eggs on Thursday).
After this shot was over I felt like I could relax, knowing that we followed all of the steps correctly and that I didn't have to take any shots the following day. I took all my supplements early (prenatals, fish oil, DHEA, and Co-Q10----all prescribed by my doctor to help with the IVF conception), washed up for bed, and treated myself to starting a new show on Netflix (One Tree Hill....not new but new to me. I just finished Hart of Dixie and decided that OTH will be my next new girly show).
By 10:00, I was exhausted and passed out on the bed.
Day 10
Wednesday, April 20
No shots today, wahoo! Just feeling very bloated and am super excited for tomorrow morning.
Today I am just supposed to drink lots and lots of water (and Gatorade too if I want). I start doxycycline with dinner tonight, which is an antibiotic to help prevent infection. Vance has been taking this for the past week to help his little swimmers be as clean and pure as possible. They will collect his last sample of swimmers tomorrow so that we have fresh eggs and fresh sperm ready to go!
I can't eat or drink anything after midnight tonight, but that shouldn't be an issue since I don't eat past 8:00 anyway. Just hope I don't forget and start drinking water tomorrow morning. I am so excited for the egg retrieval. I find this whole IVF process so fascinating. Here is a little bit about the egg retrieval for anyone who is curious how the process works: Typically ER take about 30-45
minutes. The doctor uses a transvaginal
ultrasound to guide a needle through the back wall of your vagina, up to your
ovaries. Each follicle is a small fluid
filled space in the ovary that contains one egg. They use the needle to aspirate the follicle, gently
suck the fluid and egg from the follicle to the needle and collecting it into a
test tube. These eggs are then promptly
transferred to the embryology lab for fertilization. I will be taking the whole day off for this so that I can heal and relax after it is over. I am pretty excited to spend the rest of the day reading, watching movies, and sleeping when I would normally be at work. (Note: I will be put under for this procedure as it is quite invasive)
Here's to hoping for lots and LOTS of good eggs and fertilization of these eggs! I will post more about the actual retrieval after it happens. Next week will be embryo transfer! We pray we will have lots of good embryos to choose from, with many left over that we can freeze and use when we decide to get pregnant again. Pretty crazy that we can freeze and store our unborn children until we are ready for them, huh? For those following our journey, please pray that we will get a good egg count tomorrow and lots of healthy embryos (unborn or unhatched offspring in the process of development) out of this. I've never been so nervous or excited about anything in my whole life! I'm nervous because I'm scared of more disappointment and our hearts getting broken again, and so excited thinking that everything will work out and we will have a miracle on the way!
I had an ultrasound and a blood draw early Saturday morning. My ovaries look good, though the right side looks more active than the left side. There are a lot of active growing follicles.
I started the Cetrotide shot in my stomach Saturday morning, which is a medication to help prevent early ovulation.
Thumbs up while I wait for my ultrasound
I got a phone call later that afternoon saying to keep on going with the
same dosage of medicine. My estradiol (estrogen sex hormone) had risen
dramatically from 195 on Thursday to 582 that day. Good sign!
Still continuing nightly injections of Menapur (follicle stimulating hormone that stimulates healthy ovaries to make eggs) and Gonal-F (a synthetic version of a natural sex hormone to help stimulate the development of the follicles and eggs). Still no signs of bloating or cramping, but started to feel fatigued. Not sure if the fatigue is related to the medication or just all the running around and back and forth trips to Salt Lake I've had to do lately.
(Funny note: Because of my high estrogen levels, Vance asked
me if I was feeling even more womanly than usual and if I wanted to bake tons of bread
and make him a sandwhich....ha! And my friend Peggy asked if I was in the mood to make and display a bunch of doilies at my house. Gotta love the humor!)
Day 7 Sunday, April 17
Minor cramping and bloating, but mostly just felt really fatigued and napped all day. Thank goodness for Sundays :)
I really dread my tummy shots (9:00pm) and was complaining about them while Vance was mixing the meds. He walked over to me laying on the couch with the ready-to-go syringe in his hand and said, "Hush up little Anni, and accept your fate!" He is so goofy and funny it keeps me laughing through this whole process.
Accept your fate!
(Note: I thought I would have horrible skin and be breaking out like crazy because of all of the hormones being put into my body, but it has actually been quite the opposite. As I was washing my face for bed last night, I noticed that my skin actually looks and feels (much) clearer than usual; a nice and smooth even tone, with no breakouts at all. I love it!) Day 8 Monday, April 18
Slight cramping and a bit more bloated. Just got back from my SLC appointment. Had another ultrasound and blood test and met with a nurse afterwards to go over my schedule. My ultrasound looked really good, with my right side still looking more active than the left.
I will be starting egg retrieval sometime this week! Probably on Thursday. My estradoil is now at 956. I go in for another ultrasound tomorrow morning and hopefully that will determine for sure when I can start taking my trigger shot and when egg retrieval will be.
Every day is one step closer. Keep wishing us luck!
Holy moly this week has been hectic! I've been swamped at work, and then when I get home all I have energy/motivation to do is eat, clean up, and watch a little bit of TV before I hit the hay. (Shows I'm currently watching: Bates Motel, New Girl, Last Man Standing, Hart of Dixie, Better Call Saul, The Big Bang Theory, Fixer Upper, and Property Brothers).
As of I Monday morning, I OFFICIALLY became an IVF patient. Yay!
My period started Sunday evening. I had been anxiously awaiting for it to come. We technically could have started IVF a month ago right after we received our Miracle Fund acceptance letter, but I wanted to mentally prepare myself for this experience, educate myself more on what to expect, and get a mapped out time frame of all the what's, when's, and ifs well in advance so that I wasn't diving into the unknown so quickly. We have been given a very precious gift and I wanted to treat it as such by becoming more prepared for it.
Vance and I spent last month figuring out how the intricate time frame of IVF works, meeting with our nurse about everything, and learning how to use the medications. It was a very valuable month to prepare ourselves, and to also calm my nerves before diving into the intense unknown.
Last week, I waited all weekend for Aunt Flo to arrive, checking myself every so often. I had my finger on my phone ready to speed dial my amazing nurse at any time and let her know it's go time.
Monday morning I went into the SLC office for my first visit as an IVF patient. I had a trans-vaginal ultrasound to make sure my ovaries and everything looked okay. We had a little scare when they noticed a cyst on my right ovary. They said that depending on the kind of cyst it was, I might not be able to start IVF this month. (Insert the sound of my heart shattering). They said it was possible it could just be a leftover cyst from a previous cycle, which wouldn't cause any harm, but if it was a new active cyst they wouldn't want to continue with IVF this cycle because it could greatly narrow my chances of success.
They drew my blood right after the ultrasound, and from the blood tests they would be able to determine whether this cyst would be detrimental to an IVF cycle or not. Because of this unexpected fork in the road, my nurse couldn't let me know the exact game plan yet moving forward. Therefore, I wasn't able to pick up my medications right after the appointment like I was originally planning on doing.
They sent me home and told me to expect a phone call from them later on that afternoon with the blood test results.
I said a little prayer in the parking lot that everything would look okay, and then drove to work and tried not to think about it. A couple hours later I got a phone call from my nurse. Everything looked good and I was given the okay to start this month! (Insert much inner rejoicing). I was given my IVF schedule, and would start taking medications that night. I called Vance and asked if he could drive to SLC after work and pick up the medications. I sent him the list of all the medications he would need to make sure were ready for pick up. I knew there was a lot of medicine, but I didn't realize just how much of it there would be until he sent me this selfie while I was still at work.
I laughed out loud. Look how cute he is! It looks like he raided the entire pharmacy. The pharmacists were so nice to him and wished him the best of luck. They even packed
little ice packs for the medications that need to be
refrigerated so that they would stay cool on the hour drive home.
Here is a list of all of the medications: • Gonal-F • Menapur • Doxycyline • Cetrocide • Pregnyl • Progesterone When Vance got home, we laid all the medications out on the counter. So many syringes and needles! Eeek!
I nearly cried when I saw the receipt. Of all the expensive medications we received, guess how much we paid? $25.
$25, that's it! For the progesterone which the M.F. doesn't cover. I felt overwhelmed with love all over again for the amazing M.F. people who made this possible. What a huge blessing they are to us. Going through IVF is already stressful and overwhelming enough, I can't even imagine worrying about the financial aspect of it right now. It is such a huge relief to not worry about money as we go through this. I honestly don't feel deserving of this gift, but I am beyond grateful it has been given to us. We spent an hour Monday night watching and re-watching medication videos to make sure we did everything just right. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't overwhelmed. I didn't want to mess anything up, or mix up the medications wrong, or accidentally be given the wrong dosage. You know, just typical me, worrying about everything. Vance was sweet and calm though. After we felt confident enough to give it a go, he gave me my two shots on the right side of my stomach; Menapur and Gonal-F. These two shots help egg quality and growth. The needles on both of these are very thin and pretty short, so it isn't that bad. They remind me a lot of the trigger shots I have had to do in the past with IUI's, so we knew kind of what to expect when injecting these. It feels like a bee sting going in, and stings for a few minutes afterwards, but it's not too bad. Vance always calls me on his breaks and asks me how my tummy is doing. He is so sweet and wants to make sure that my stomach isn't sore from all of the poking. I am doing just fine so far. I don't feel sick, bloated, or crazy, and I don't have a zitty pizza face.....yet!
What would I do without him?
Tonight will be our 5th night of doing this. We alternate sides of the stomach each night, and I have an ultrasound tomorrow morning to make sure everything looks okay. I went in yesterday for another blood draw to make sure my estrogen levels are where they need to be at this point in the medication process, and so far, everything looks good. I will be adding Cetrocide to the medication list tomorrow morning when I go in for my appointment. I'm so excited to see what they find in the ultrasound tomorrow. Things are starting to feel very real around here.
Thanks everyone for your love and support through this. I honestly don't feel like I deserve to receive the outpouring of love, prayers, and support you have all given me. I am a very lucky lady, and I hope you all know how much I love you and am grateful for you in my life. Again, sorry my posts are so long (and probably boring). I just really want to remember this journey. It's an incredible ride for Vance and me to take and I am loving it so far. We can't wait to FINALLY start our family! It's going to happen....it just has to!
Ever since I've struggled with infertility, that seems to be all I talk about on my blog. Yet on social media (Instagram and Facebook), I rarely ever talk about my personal struggles, because, well....they're personal. My blog is a place for me to get feelings off my chest and document intimate details of my life without bothering many followers, and without exposing myself to people I don't want to expose myself to. I honestly only blog for ME. I blog so that I can remember what I was feeling, when I was feeling it, and to later on down the road have an accurate remembrance of how it happened, and when. I also write so I can share my journal with my future posterity someday.
And then there's Instagram.
Ah, I love Instagram. It's there that I basically highlight the fun, happy, and best parts of my life in a photo journal. I'd honestly post on Instagram a lot more if I wasn't so afraid of annoying the crap out of my followers (because let's face it, we all get hella annoyed when people post too much). But why wouldn't I want to create a picture book of my life experiences, my observations, the amazing people in it, and capture and share as many of those precious moments as I can? Instagram is a genius way to quickly snap my life, immortalizing that moment, and write a quick little note to go along with the picture. It even captures the date and place I took/posted that picture. Best way to journal if you ask me! As soon as I look at a picture from my life (and read what I wrote about that moment) I become flooded with memories.
I am going to try and be better about incorporating more of that into my blog in the future; posting the pictures and the moments that make up my life and show what makes my life so special to me.
Below is the last picture I took in 2015 on New Year's Eve as I was waiting for the new year of 2016 to greet me. I posted it on Instagram with a rather lengthy caption. I want to share it here because I think what I had to say is relevant to what I have struggled through for years, and how all of those hard and trying years were stepping stones to get Vance and I to where we are now.
anniqua86Took Christmas down today. As I was doing so, I was reflecting on this past year. Last year (2014) sucked. It was a REALLY hard year financially, emotionally, and spiritually. I cried......a lot. Vance worked an unpaid internship for 6 months and my income didn't really support us or his tuition. Despite our financial situation, we made so many efforts to continue trying to start our family with no success. On top of that, our (spidery) apartment had become infested with black mold and made me sick and ruined a bunch of artwork I did in college. We had such good friends, a great ward, and supportive family, but I felt like I was trapped in a deep, dark abyss of sadness and that things would never look up. Everyone around us was moving on to the next big phase in life, and it felt like we were moving backwards. I made a promise to myself last New Year's Eve that 2015 would be different, and that our many years of hard work trying to better our lives would finally pay off. And it was better.....by a landslide! We moved out of our moldy apartment and bought our first beautiful home together. Vance got a sweet job as a health and PE teacher, and we got rid of our rickety old car and bought a new one. Everything upgraded this year. I've been asking Santa since 2011 for a baby and he still hasn't delivered, but I still feel so blessed with how this past year went. We found a new doctor who we trust will help us achieve what we have been desiring for so long. 2015 has been my sweetest year yet, and I believe we have some plans paved to make 2016 even sweeter. Happy New Year everyone!#JOY#1Teacher 4 1/2 months in and 2016 has already proved to be memorable, and I truly believe it will be a pivotal and defining year for us as well. Cheers to 2016!
Vance and I are starting IVF through the University of Utah this spring. We are still speechless! There are no words to explain how very blessed we feel, and how much overwhelming gratitude we feel for the generous donor who made this possible for us. We are SO excited!
For detailed updates on our process, I will be trying to keep up with everything on here. I have decided to go private on our blog while we go through this, since only family and a few close friends know that this is happening. We want to keep this process private, but give those who care about us an opportunity to be in the loop. Therefore, we will not be sharing any updates on social media, or telling many others about our exciting news just yet. We ask you to please do the same :)
Please keep us in your prayers, send good vibes our way, and wish us luck!
In June of 2015, Vance and I found our new doctor. Vance had previously spent the past 6 months doing a study through the University of Utah called the FAZST study. Copied from their website, the FAZST study is this:
A randomized placebo-controlled clinical trial to assess the effects of folic
acid and zinc dietary supplementation in males on semen quality and
fertility rates among couples trying to conceive and seeking assisted
reproduction. The primary objective of the study is to assess the impact
of folic acid and zinc dietary supplementation in males on semen quality and
indirectly fertility outcomes among couples attempting to conceive and seeking
assisted reproduction. Because we had been participating in this study, we received an email inviting us to an infertility seminar held by the U of U, where we could direct any questions we had to the guest fertility specialists, and there would be prize drawings at the end of the seminar. We attended, met with specialists, and won a free consultation to meet with one of the head reproductive endocrinologists to help further diagnose our situation. A couple weeks later we met with our doctor. We felt really good after we met Dr. Moore, and long story short, we have been working with him ever since. Last summer/fall, after a few more tests to diagnose the health and quality of my uterus, after testing the penetration and quality of Vance's sperm, and lastly, after several more failed IUI attempts, we consulted with him about in vitro fertilization (IVF). He laid everything out for us. The pros, the cons, the process, what to expect throughout the process, the success rate, the chances of multiples, the risks of early delivery, and of course.....the dreaded cost. He told us that we are great candidates for IVF because we are young, healthy, and there appears to be nothing wrong with either us. Then he told us about 2 routes that we could explore to help us out financially since most insurances don't cover IVF or anything infertility related. He gave us information for both options, and encouraged us to apply for both alternative routes. The first option he explained was the IVF Cycle Plus Guarantee. Applicants who qualify for this are granted up to 3 cycles of IVF with a live baby as the end result, or else you will receive a large portion of your money back. So, if you ended up paying about $16,000 (not including medications, which wouldn't be refunded) and never gave a live birth after 3 rounds, you would get approximately $13,000 back. Once you are approved for the money back guarantee program, you can start as soon as you'd like. Biggest downfall is that money must be paid in full at the beginning of the process; you can't make payment plans. The second option was the Miracle Fund. Anonymous donors will donate enough money for most medications and one fresh round of IVF for eligible candidates. I was touched to hear about the generosity of such kind people. To be eligible, couples have to have been married for a certain amount of years, been trying to conceive for a certain amount of years, and fit within a specific financial bracket. The Miracle Fund is a bit more lengthy of a process, usually taking about 5 months from beginning to end, but the potential of receiving a free round of IVF could be worth the wait. We immediately began applying of both. There were things we loved about each potential option, and things we were nervous about with each. Here are both options, as laid out by one of our nurses. Cycle Plus Guarantee: *Includes one fresh cycle and two frozen cycles (to be done within 1 year of approval notice) *Includes cryopreservation *Does not include any medication *No wait is necessary to begin IVF cycle *Refund is given if pregnancy is not achieved as defined by the agreement Miracle fund: *Pays for one fresh cycle and ICSI (if needed) *Pays for most medication (there are a few meds that are not covered with this grant) *Does not pay for cryopreservation *Does not pay for any frozen cycles *Have to wait for grant approval before can begin cycle *No refunds given Note: Cryopreservation is $1,000-one time fee. Storage fees are $435/year billed out semi-annually ($217.50 twice a year) Frozen Embryo Transfer cycle is $2,720 per cycle A few weeks after applying for both, we received an email saying that we qualified for Tier 1 of the IVF Cycle Plus Guarantee program. See below. As you can see, Tier 1 is the best tier you can get. We qualified for Tier 1 because we are healthy and there are no known health risks with either of us. IVF & IVF WITH ICSI Tier 1 Tier 1 Warrantee Payment 14,850 Warrantee Payment 16,100 Refund Amount if unsuccessful 12,850 Refund Amount if unsuccessful 13,100 Tier2 Tier 2 Warrantee Payment 17,250 Warrantee Payment 18,500 Refund Amount if unsuccessful 13,750 Refund Amount if unsuccessful 14,000 Tier 3 Tier 3 Warrantee Payment 19,450 Warrantee Payment 20,700 Refund Amount if unsuccessful 15,450 Refund Amount if unsuccessful 15,700 Tier 4 Tier 4 Warrantee Payment 21,500 Warrantee Payment 22,750 Refund Amount if unsuccessful 16,500 Refund Amount if unsuccessful 16,500 Tier 5 Tier 5 Warrantee Payment 25,500 Warrantee Payment 26,750 Refund Amount if unsuccessful 18,000 Refund Amount if unsuccessful 18,500 We were so excited to know that this was a potential route to take. We LOVED knowing that we could try up to 3 times and get most of our money back if it didn't work. What we didn't love was how much we would have to pay upfront. And if we did get pregnant and deliver, we would have a hefty IVF loan to pay off in the future. In the meantime, I followed up with the Miracle Fund to check our status on that. We didn't feel too hopeful that we would receive this fund, but a part of me told me I better at least try and give it all that I had. As mentioned, the Miracle Fund was a much longer process. After they reviewed our tax returns from the past 3 years, they mailed us a packet of information to be filled out. We filled out financial charts on how much we earn annually, how our earnings are distributed (mortgage, car, groceries, etc.), how much we spend on a monthly basis, and how much money we generally have left over. We wrote down our education and employment history for the past 5-10 years, references for contact, and included drivers license information for background checks. Probably the most humbling part of the Miracle Fund process was asking 5 unrelated friends or couples to write letters of recommendation on our behalf, explaining their observations of us as people and as potential parents. This was hard for me because it meant being vulnerable and exposing ourselves and our situation to those who might not really know what we were going through, and then asking them to do us a huge favor. We prayed long and hard about the 5 couples we would ask, and felt really good about who we chose. Each person graciously said they would love to do that for us. It was an amazing experience to see our friends from all walks of life - both new friends and old friends - do such a charitable gesture on our behalf. Once all 5 couples mailed their letters back to the Miracle Fund, we would wait to receive another letter saying whether or not we would proceed with a home study. While we waited throughout the Miracle Fund process, I stressed about second jobs I could take to help come up with the money if the Miracle Fund didn't work out, and if we decided to go through with the Cycle Plus Guarantee. I constantly searched possible night jobs and had a difficult time finding something that would allow me to work a few extra hours each evening but still allow me to keep some of my sanity left at the end of each day. I felt so defeated and hopeless. Just when we were informing to our families about the Cycle Plus Guarantee option and figuring out loan options to pay for IVF upfront, we received a letter from the Miracle Fund.
My heart leapt out of my chest. This letter meant we were one step closer to achieving our dream! I immediately called the social worker's number they gave me, and we had an appointment set up for February 15th (President's Day, because Vance had the day off). Vance and I had a wonderful Valentine's Day weekend, even though it was the smoggiest, nastiest inversion weather I have ever seen in Utah Valley. We went up to Midway that Saturday to help my parents move up to their second home in Twin Falls, Idaho. That evening we celebrated Love Day a day early by going out to dinner and watching a chick flick on the couch (50 First Dates). My idea of a perfect date! And on Sunday I wore my new Valentine's Day necklace from Vance to church, twisted my ankle on black ice, and spent the evening with a swollen ankle while trying to get our house in tiptop shape for our home study following day. The Walking Dead started back up, and I had a box of chocolates, so even though I hurt my ankle, it really was a great day. Monday morning I baked cookies and finished tidying up the house for our social worker. And by tidying up, I mean that I spent Sunday and Monday morning maniacally deep cleaning the entire house. I'm not going to lie, our house looked amazing. Like the tidiest it has ever looked, and probably ever will look! We kind of busted our humps making it look perfect. On top of the deep cleaning, we finally hung up pictures we had been delaying since our move last April, and used this home study as an excuse to finally organize our insanely messy and chaotic second spare room into an office. We worked our butts off making our home look great, and I was exhausted! Our social worker Larry arrived, and he was the kindest, sweetest person I have ever met. First thing he said was "Well, your house looks......emaculate. I hope you didn't spend too much time cleaning it for me." We both shook our heads and said "No, not at all!" I'm sure he could see through our lies! haha!
Vance modeling in front of our newly hung pictures :)
The meeting was just like an adoption homestudy, meaning a social worker will come into your home and make sure your house and the people living in it are a suitable environment for a child. He met with us for a couple of hours, and went over all kinds of scenarios with us. We met with him together, and then again individually. After he interviewed both of us, he toured our place, and said he really liked us and our home. I prayed that he could sense how hard working we are, how genuine we are as people, how much we love each other, and how strong our desire to have a family was. To end, Larry gave us a whole NEW stack of paperwork to be filled out, told us it was a pleasure to meet us, and left. Once we filled out the new stack of paperwork and completed our background checks, we would most likely receive a letter in about a month, letting us know if we got accepted for the fund or not. It took us about a week to get all the paperwork done and our background checks complete. I mailed our paperwork back in, and did my best to not play the waiting game.
Ready for send off!
On March 11, 2016 we received a letter in the mail......
